Full Disclosure

Was it the crushing of my laptop last week?

Maybe it was the first bout of sickness that hit my house?

Perhaps it was the switching of the seasonal clothes for seven children, the stocking up on homemade tinctures and salves, our speaking at another church this past week, my listing of 350 items from my house for sale, or the fact that my Grandmother is making bean soup. I list the last option as proof that if one is looking for an excuse, any one will do. You always find what you're looking for, after all.

The fact is, bean soup or not, I've been swamped, which partially explains why I haven't posted another lesson in the study. The word "partially" indicates that further explaining is in order. While I do not feel the need to explain, I do feel the desire, so permit me to make an attempt.

Mr. Visionary and I were tremendously blessed by all that we were led to study on our own through the instigation of these lessons. When we considered beginning the study, it was for one reason: we wanted others to experience blessing as well. I had mentioned the study in a post before, but realized that the length of the study would be too daunting for most folks. I have this reaction as well... when I see something very long, I automatically sigh and dismiss it, unless...

Unless it sounds like something I have been looking for.

We believed we could not be the only ones searching for a better way, searching to see Father's face more clearly, seeking to discard all that we had inherited from the world, in order to live on nothing but the Word. We felt led to begin the study for the other ones who were searching, too. We did not know who these would be, but felt sure that our Father would.

Throughout the beginning of this study, I have been overwhelmed with all that it has required of me. We were sure we were supposed to start it, but the walking it out has been more challenging than I had imagined. As I have gone through the study this second time, it has been just as profoundly affecting me as the first. I have needed time to digest and ponder... time to understand things more clearly... time to pray and know that I am hearing His voice.

The questions and e-mail that have multiplied by ten have been all that I can keep up with. My dear friend has encouraged me to begin a Yahoo group to help with further discussion (and all the questions), but that as well would be consuming, and too much for this mother of seven to manage. (I'm organized, but I'm not that organized.) I desire to help and to answer questions, but with only so much time, I struggle to determine what this would look like. Please bear with me as I figure it all out.

Also, I have been feeling pressured by my perceived need to post something profound (or at least attempt it) for each lesson. But, as Mr. Visionary reminded me, perception is not reality, and anyway, profundity doesn't always come. Sometimes I am just as much in a digestion stage as everyone else, and cannot come up with anything coherent to share. If I post the lessons alone, I hope to be able to free up more time to enter into the discussion with everyone else. All of this is to say that I will be just posting the lessons from here on out, and sharing my own experience through the comments.

Whew... I feel relieved already!