Preliminary Steps

One thing we have been walking through as we work toward our goals, is the idea that nothing happens overnight. For every plan, there are preliminary steps that have to happen to make the end turn out properly. The bigger the plan, the more prerequisite steps.

In order to go to Israel, we have to first sell our farm and home. In order to move away from our farm and home, there are many steps that have to be done first as well. The less we leave for the last minute, say, after a contract is signed, the smoother things should go. At least this has been our thinking.

One large question that had to be determined is where exactly we would live after selling our home. It is a question that is yet to be answered. Since we have to live *somewhere*, we planned to buy a motor home to live in while we scout for property, and set up our new home in the States... wherever it happens to be. (Remember, we have to have *some* home in the States because Israel will not allow us to stay in the country longer than 90 days at a time.) But, since we only operate with cash, not debt (well, except for this house for now...), something else had to be liquidated to be able to purchase the motor home.

We got the blessed opportunity last weekend to meet half of a husband-wife blogging team whose blog Three Fold Cord, we really enjoy. They are real-life close personal friends of one of our real-life personal friends, and they bought Mr. Visionary's tractor. It was a blessing to have the tractor go to someone we knew had some of the same values as far as raising the family and farming, but it was also good to just have that part of the plan marked off the list.

Julie from Three Fold Cord sent us this yummy basket of goodies. As if buying the tractor wasn't enough!

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Mr. Visionary & Michael from Three Fold Cord ~ they're smiling still because they haven't started loading up all the pieces-parts.

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All the children got in on the loading action, too.

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The plan involved having the proceeds from the tractor earmarked to buy the motor home. Preliminary steps, you know. Mr. Visionary had been doing research for months to determine what kind of motor home we would get, cost estimates, pros, cons, and plenty of mechanical details that I don't pretend to understand. In other words, when the tractor sold, he was ready to move on to the next step. Meanwhile, I was still waiting for the twins thing to sink in. The next step happened faster than I had guessed.

 

This weekend, Mr. Visionary pulled this into the driveway:

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During all his research, he had determined that a bus converted into a motor home (rather than a factory-made motor home) would be a better choice for us, as they are sturdier, ride steadier, and, most importantly for me... have plenty of storage space underneath:

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We'll have to be very creative to make it work having eleven people living in this space. The Word promises food and raiment, not necessarily spaciousness. Remembering that it is a step towards a greater goal will help.

 

Looks like the conversion process has already begun...

Quick Question

Anybody else get this after asking, "Honey, will you please encourage the boys to get their morning chores done quickly?"

Who knew that an impromptu wrestling match was the proper response? Apparently these guys hear and speak a completely different language than us girls. (And Doodle just can't resist a little danger.)

 

I think I've been schooled. The boys got their chores done in record time... even including the wrestling.

Large Families and Twins ~ Part Three

This is Part Three of a series with advice for large families who are expecting twins. You may read Part One Here and Part Two Here.

Some practical thoughts from Susanna:

Don't put any preparations off! I cannot stress this strongly enough! Start now and feel urgent about it! Do the most physical tasks first and work your way down to the least physical. For instance, go from making freezer meals & shopping, to sewing, to setting up and organizing baby supplies - and save planning/writing activities for later on - lists, schedules, etc.

Freezer meals! What worked very well for me was to plan one or two "sessions" a week. I would make 3X a recipe, freeze two and serve one for supper that night. We can get disposable aluminum 9x13 pans at the Dollar Tree two for a dollar. Label each casserole or bucket of soup with its contents and simple clear instructions for preparation so you aren't necessary for that part later on. Keep a list on the fridge with what meals you made on each date so that you can eat them somewhat in order. This works better than dating the meals themselves. Post-partum, save those meals for when you aren't getting any more from others & try to stretch them out as long as you can, saving them for extra-busy days. Ours lasted until the babies were almost five months old, and I was able to get the summer sewing (easy one-hour T-shirt dresses) done for the girls before the meals ran out. You will be SO thankful for EVERY meal you freeze! I encouraged myself with this thought while making all those meals in the summer heat!  By the way, this plan worked so well that I still plan a freezer meal session every three or four weeks, but now we have more and bigger eaters, so I make 4X a recipe and put three away! This method fit well into normal life and wasn't overwhelming until I couldn't physically manage it anymore and Dh told me to stop.

Baby supplies: Only use cloth diapers if someone other than you is completely in charge of laundering them. This holds true until the twins are sleeping through the night at the minimum. Also, don't skimp on baby supplies. It will save you valuable TIME to have very big stacks of burp cloths, onesies, stretch suits, receiving blankets, sheets and waterproof pads - anything that you use often and gets dirtied fast. The waterproof pads are great to put in the bassinettes under their bottoms, so if their diapers leak, it is contained, and you don't have to change the sheet, too. I'd never bothered with them before the twins. My babies spit up a lot the first few months, and if they spit up on one end of their sheet, I'd just lay them the other way until that side was dirtied, too. I hope you are as blessed with lots of good thrift stores in your area as we are in ours! We didn't lack any supplies we needed when the real test came. I did, however, have too many socks - they don't get dirty fast! Borrow what you can - clothing, bassinette, sheets - especially what you only need shorter term.

Try to set everything up that you will need for their care in as compact a place as you can, to save steps. You will get to the point where you are grateful for even 5 minutes saved so you can lie down that much sooner. We put everything in our bedroom: Along one wall was the changing table (we found for $12 at a yard sale and which we're still using) with a large diaper stacker (given to me) hanging at the left end and a pocket organizer (found for $1 at a thrift store) hanging on the right end. To the immediate right was a wheeled four tier metal cart with wipes, etc. on the top. To the right of the cart sat our Dekor diaper disposal system - like a Diaper Genie, but with greater capacity. (My husband put his foot down about cloth diapers and said that we would economize somewhere else!) Along another wall we set up a loveseat (30% off at a thrift store) for nursing the babies. It is soft and comfy and has a back high enough for me to lean my head against and thick enough for me to stack burp cloths on! I needed a long-term, comfortable solution to the HOURS and HOURS I would spend sitting and nursing them - tandem, of course, to save time and stimulate better milk production. This tandem nursing is impossible to do discreetly, so our rule was: only girls allowed in; boys had to talk to me through the bedroom door! (We got used to it!) I put a small pillow in the middle of the loveseat for back support and a bed pillow along each arm. To nurse them, I would lay them side by side on our bed, strap on the twin Boppy pillow (indispensible to me - It is wider all around than a regular Boppy and has wide velcro straps in the back. I found it at a twin yard sale for $3), adjust my shirt for nursing, scoop up the left hand baby, then the right hand one, back up like a Mack truck (beep, beep, beep) and sink gratefully into the loveseat with my feet propped on a nursing stool (given to me.) The bed pillows supported the sides of the Boppy. After getting them started nursing if necessary, I was hands-free. I didn't start this until they were both nursing at 6 1/2 weeks. Probably I would not have been hands-free for the first weeks, I'm guessing? I had a floor lamp and small stand to my right, and my Dear Husband found a small hospital-style bed table that sat to my front right as I sat there. I could write thank you notes (stock up on these now!), letters and other things, reach the phone (but because the door was closed, I only used this if I had to, as the older boys often needed to talk with me), my BIG water cup, healthy snacks, books to read tissues, lanolin (I did get sore, but not for long and the lanolin helped), etc. etc.

I don't think I would have been able to nurse them so thoroughly (I didn't start solids until they were about 7 months) and so long-term (until they were 14 1/2 months and I weaned them for the sake of this next one) if I hadn't had such a workable situation set up. For it to be sustainable, I had to be able to multi-task, I had to be comfortable (I tend toward back trouble), and I had to have privacy.

Scheduling - Along with training the children in more food prep tasks, they should be trained to do the laundry if they aren't already. Other skills to teach: changing sheets, ironing, outside work, care of the younger ones. Try not to do anything that the children could be doing - stick to what only you can do. Even if you get outside help, you will need to depend on your children to keep the basics happening - they will not be spoiled by others' help!

Don't try to "do school" until the babies are sleeping through the night, unless they are completely independent, and it's not keeping them from helping with the household needs during that time. Make up a schedule for after the birth with all necessary chores assigned. Don't try to get creative - assign them the basics they've reasonably mastered and give the same children the same tasks for the duration. If they are doing the same things at the same times each day, this will cut down on the number of reminders that will be needed. There will be time for variation later! If some of the children work better together, assign them together. If some do better widely separated - keep them separate. You want this to be as workable as possible. There will still be plenty of opportunities to learn character and to get along with each other without going out of your way during this high-stress time period to set them up! Assign older ones to keep the younger ones on track, including helping them at mealtimes, pottying, toothbrushing, reading aloud, having them pick up after themselves, dressing them, etc.

For instance, right now my oldest son is in charge of laundry Monday to Wednesday (the girls fold and put away) and my second son is in charge of our 2 1/2 year old those days. Then Thursday to Saturday, they switch tasks. This is, of course, in addition to their other daily chores. My third son is gifted with growing things and he does lots of our outside work. I don't combine children for kitchen clean-up - the same child clears and wipes the table, sweeps the floor, empties the dish drainer, and stacks and wipes the dishes. Right now my younger daughter does breakfast, my older daughter does lunch, and my third son does supper.

Take your thank yous as seriously as you should take your need for help. Thank everyone specifically and sincerely for whatever they put into your family during this time, no matter how small. If you neglect to do this, they will feel taken advantage of, even if they told you not to write a thank you note. Do it anyway! I kept a running list of anyone who helped, with their address and what they did for us, meals, gifts, etc., with a box in front of each person that I checked off when the thank you note was sent.

If you can find out the babies' genders ahead of time, this can be a huge help in preparing, as you won't be forced to find appropriate clothes before you feel ready for it, which may be later rather than sooner! My previous boys had not left much behind them, but we got all the clothes ahead of time that we needed for the twins' first 6 months (plus a start on the next size/season), and I was so grateful for this later! Before they were born, I went to one great "twin yard sale" and all my trusty thrift stores! I got some matching sets for public appearances, as our boys are not identical, but mostly we just needed more boys' clothes. We don't have wealthy or spendthrift friends, and the gifts we received would not have been nearly sufficient. If I'd had a boy and girl, what I had stored away would have been enough, I'm sure.

I am wondering if you are planning a home or hospital birth, and how prepared you would be for a C-section. I developed pre-eclampsia (thank the Lord it was not severe, and not until near the end, hence the bedrest to keep it under control) and both twins were solidly transverse from at least 32 weeks on. After six homebirths with our wonderful midwife, the twins were born C-section. This was very hard for me emotionally later on, as I hadn't really accepted the possibility personally. It would be wise, even if you are planning a home birth, to have everything ready in case you need to transfer to the hospital.

One more thing:

My first and strongest recommendation unless you're in the last month or so of pregnancy is to get a copy of Dr. Barbara Luke's book on expecting multiples, and one of Elizabeth Noble's book, "Having Twins." (I liked the older edition of the latter book better - the newer one had weird stuff in it about pre-birth memories.) Many twin books emphasize the time after the twins are born, but these two have tremendously important information about having a healthy twin pregnancy that you really need to have as soon as possible. An acquaintance with 2 year old twins (# 9 and 10 in the family) gave me the Dr. Luke book. When I found out twins were on the way, I remembered her twins were born at term, and both were over 7 pounds, and that she'd followed a special twin diet, and when I called and asked her what specifically she'd done, she wanted me to have her copy of this book! At my 6 week post-partum check-up, I bequeathed my copy to my midwife, then regretted not having it to loan out, so I bought another one. I would be happy to loan it to you if that would help you, and you could keep it for the whole pregnancy. It tells very specifically how many servings of each kind of food you should get every day, according to which trimester you're in. My son made up slips of paper for me with each food category and space for my tally marks, and I used one a day to keep track of my servings, then threw them away. There are several helpful charts in the book that you can photocopy. The actual food choices they recommended were not as healthy as what we eat (especially with white flour and refined sugar), but knowing the servings of the different categories were so helpful, as was so much of the rest of the book. I tend to put off eating as the least important task in life. I know I would have fallen far short of what would've been good for the babies without that practical information. Since we don't have a large income, my diet was less varied than I liked, and I got very tired of eating by the end! BUT I felt fully rewarded when I saw those healthy boys! The dr. said I was 37 weeks 1 day when they were born, but I know I was actually 36 weeks 2 days. (You know how those things can go.) The boys weighed 7 lbs. and 6 lbs. 13 oz. Your goal is to grow the babies to the same healthy sizes they would be if you carried them one at a time. There is no genetic reason twins are almost always growth retarded - it is caused by insufficient diet and the mom not getting sufficient rest, and burning off what should be going to grow the babies. I gained more weight than they said I would on that diet, but it was almost exactly what my friend had gained, and we both lost it all by six months postpartum - nursing two really helped!

It is more important than you can imagine right now that they are born as close to full term as possible. Caring for infant twins is enough of a challenge when they are born healthy and strong at full term, and adding any complications such as insufficient outside help, heavy responsibilities toward other children and the general household, NICU stays, nursing difficulties (common when babies are even a little early), insufficient preparations (including needed supplies and organized-ness) for the realities of caring for them, C-section recovery, etc. etc. can quickly make the situation completely overwhelming. One of the mistakes I made was that I REALLY didn't think I would run into any of these problems - they're for other people, and I didn't read those sections of the books very carefully! We didn't face all those difficulties, but we did face some of them. But somewhere early in the pregnancy, I realized that I simply could not use the excuse that I was too busy to rest properly or was tired of eating properly, because the two most helpless and needy people in the family were depending on me to take this seriously, and put a priority on caring for them. It was hardest in regards to my toddler, still a baby himself in many ways. But he and I cuddled a lot with me resting on my left side and reading to him, and he got more of me that way than he might have if I was my usual busy self.

Large Families and Twins ~ Part Two

This is Part Two in a series with advice for large families who are expecting twins. You can read Part One Here.

Susanna's family was arranged like this at the time their twins were born: their other children were Boy 13, Boy 11, Boy 9.5, Girl 7.5, Girl almost 5, and Boy 14 months. Here is more of her advice for Twin Mommies with a house full.

During this time, just the mental pressure of having to think about where all the children were, what they were doing, what they were supposed to be doing and what I needed to do about it, took more from me than I had to give. This was wintertime and we have a very small house and don't use the TV or movies for babysitters, and we tried to keep up the homeschooling until the birth and start it up again a month afterward.

My mom went to be with the Lord in 1994, and she would have been my best helper - she started with twins and went on to have 9 children altogether. She was a very godly and wise and hardworking lady. Our church is elderly and small and 40 minutes away. My mother-in-law has allowed herself to get very obese and she's very self-centered and lazy, so even though we live next door to them, we received little help from her other than taking the other children while I was in the hospital. She said she hardly needed to do anything for them - they took care of everything themselves. My siblings that I'm close to all live very far away, and all our friends were pre-occupied with their own families.

Some did their best and some honestly let us down. It really is the grace of God in my heart that I am good friends with them now, as I struggled very much with resentment over this. I felt like a starving man who had to watch others eat a big meal in his presence without offering him any. I knew what the normal busy-ness of life was that they were facing, and I knew they were not trying to understand what we were going through. God has used this in our family since then to give us a strong desire to help people He brings across our path at the time they need it and not if/when it becomes convenient for us. Also, He showed us that we had neglected to pursue relationships with other families - we had no community, and since then He has opened up many opportunities that are still ongoing. So He used our troubles to bring good into our lives.

This is what I would do differently now that I know what it's like, if I had it to do again. I would approach one of my friends who is somewhat organized and willing, and ask her to be our Help Organizer (hereafter referred to as H.O.). I would give her a list of all potential helpers and their phone numbers, NOT email addresses. I've found that it's just human nature to ignore calls for help unless they are made personally, one on one. Make another list for your H.O. that includes all the tasks people could help with. Here's the suggested "script" for your H.O. to use: "I'm organizing help for Julie and her family - here's what they need - what would you be able to do to help them?" (NOT "Julie asked me if you could help"!) I'm acting as the H.O. for a friend right now. I've also recruited someone to be a H.O. for another friend who was too shy to ask herself. (Perhaps your husband would be able to make this phone call for you.) This method really works. I wish I had used it myself. For most of us, it is just impossible to ask for help, and this way, someone is being your advocate.

Here's a partial list to get you started, and please don't discount any of it without very careful thought. What you don't realize now is that normally small tasks will become HUGE. And remember that you will later regret any pickiness or pride on your part. This will only be for a limited period of time - eating less than healthily or having someone clean the floors with the bathroom cleaner or dress the little ones in mis-matched clothing or show them Veggie Tales videos will not make any difference later, but that help at that time will be worth more than gold. Resist the temptation to show everyone how much you can handle by yourself - you, your babies and your whole family will pay for it. If you are at all like me, you will be tempted to play the martyred heroine, but it is not worth it, because you will not just hurt yourself. I'm being brutally honest here!

Housecleaning - give specific tasks, for instance: Choose one: 1. Oven/stove 2. Fridge/freezer 3. Bathrooms 4. All floors in house 5. Under kitchen sink 6. Fingerprints/cobwebs/radiators & baseboards 7. Stickiness on all kitchen surfaces (cupboards, drawers, fridge, etc.) You get the idea. Leaving all this to the mercy of your children for weeks means you'll be facing it all in a couple of months, with very little available time to do anything other than the basic necessities.

Ironing - the girls and I wear skirts and dresses and my DH wears button shirts for work - 'nough said! My mother-in-law actually did this for us for two months (the only help she offered, unfortunately because she could do it at her house while watching soap operas - but what a wonderful help it was)!!

Food Shopping - Stopping at the grocery store for a few things on their way to visit you and your babies is a much-appreciated help that most people would be happy to do for you. If you shop at any out of the way specialty stores, like health food stores or bent and dent stores, let your H.O. know which of the folks on your list also shop there, so she can ask them for this service.

Children - Take your younger DC to a playground for the afternoon and clean them up afterward. Don't be too picky about naps or grass stains. Also, it's more helpful to have one older child home with you to save you steps. They can take turns doing this.

Laundry - Stain treat, launder & fold several loads of laundry, and while waiting for loads to run, oversee meals & naps & read to the children. Alternatively, they could take your laundry to their house.

Meals - More than one per person if possible, like one a month for three months. Do not be too picky here, as that really puts people off. Try to make it rewarding for them to help you. Ask them for their recipe if something is especially good.

Staple Food Prep - often overlooked, but so, so helpful - yeast bread, quick bread, bran and other muffins, granola, etc. You can give the H.O. your recipes for the volunteers to use if appropriate, and even the ingredients, if they have time, but not money to spare. Or it may be easier for someone to come to your house to make them.

A few thoughts on Dear Husband: I learned the hard way that I needed to make the extra effort to smile and thank him for everything he did to help, even when I was exhausted and weepy (which stage lasted several weeks for me). It's very easy to turn against each other under the enormous load and allow resentments to build up. Also, he had trouble before the birth imagining the postpartum time, and he downplayed the stories I'd heard. This encouraged me to do the same, and consequently, we were not really prepared for the intensity of what we would face. Now we know better!!! Now he's very enthusiastic about any and every opportunity I/we get to help other families that need it, especially twin situations.

In case this is scaring you, let me say that after the twins started nursing and sleeping through the night at 6 1/2 weeks (and I got more than the 4 1/2 broken hours of sleep out of every 24 hours that I'd gotten since their birth) the joy and fun began! Of course it is hard work, but so fun! All the horror stories I'd heard about months and months of sleepless nights and foggy days moving right into twin toddler terrors have simply not happened here. Many mothers who are ordinarily opposed to the idea of a routine for their babies are very receptive to it with twins, for the sake of keeping everyone sane! I've heard three types of stories. 1. "Wish I'd worked harder at establishing a routine...there was chaos for months on end..." 2. "We wouldn't have survived without a good routine...the routine helped my twins sleep through the night at 6 (or 8, or 10) weeks..." 3. (From moms who had no other children or who had live-in help for the long-term) "All I did for months was nurse babies...they still won't sleep all night at 10 (or 12 or 15) months..."

You may be one of those who is violently opposed to the idea, and if so, just take this as a charitable attempt to pass along what has been invaluable to me. If you are not opposed, but haven't ever tried it, I would highly recommend "Babywise" as a good place to start. We used the basic principles from "Babywise" for all 8 of ours and all of them slept through the night by eight weeks. It took twice as much effort with the twins, but I knew it would pay off doubly later, and it did! People who are unfamiliar with how the "Babywise" routine works think it means that you let your baby scream until the clock says it's feeding time. Nothing could be further from the truth! In reality, you are meeting your babies' need to eat before they have to ask for it, while gradually guiding their sleeping and eating into a predictable pattern. Almost all "Babywise" babies sleep through the night on their own by ten weeks, especially when the mother has been consistent from day one and guided the baby away from habits like snacking, catnaps, or sleep props. It doesn't take long for my babies to learn to love their beds when they are sleepy! It is not complicated - just a few simple things to remember - but everyone I've ever known in real life who has used it (at least 10 that I can think of quickly) has been so thankful for it, especially those who had previously tried it the other way and had long-term sleep issues to deal with later. By the way, it does include a chapter on multiples written by a mother of twins, triplets, and two singletons.

[Note from Julie ~ I  *do* normally cringe at the mention of "Babywise" materials (no links here... Google/research and come to your own conclusion, but we'll not discuss it on the blog). Having been a lactation counselor who was a  successful nursing Momma of many and being a past "Growing Kids God's Way" participant, I never felt that the two would mesh well. I am still not ready to drastically switch gears in my philosophy on nursing babies (which, incidentally is exactly in line with Shonda Parker's that is outlined in both _Mommy Diagnostics_ and _Naturally Healthy Pregnancy_), but I realize that having twins is a place I have never walked before, and that more structure may be necessary. I will play it by ear, taking cues from my Little Ones and my body. I mention this because I personally must remember that disagreeing with one issue is not reason enough to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Susanna has walked in a hard place that I have not yet, and I am wanting to be humble enough to listen.]

You mentioned having lots of people trained to change diapers. I much preferred to soak in time with the babies, care for them myself, and give them lots of loving. I didn't want them to get less of Mommy just because they were born together! I had my helpers (mostly my children) do other tasks. My time priorities went from youngest to oldest. The younger you are, the more slowly time seems to go. For our older ones, the whole 10 weeks of the worst time went fairly quickly. Does this make sense? Also, even when I still had to pump and bottle feed, I tried to do as much of the feeding skin to skin as I could manage. (This is also good for milk production hormones.) I just crammed as much affection as I could into every trip to the changing table or crib and into every diaper change - all the necessary stuff, since I didn't have the luxury of just sitting with them for very long! Actually, this seems obvious, but during the worst time, I was so exhausted that it took special effort.

Part Three to follow...