What Was I Thinking?

I was sitting in a hard chair in the middle of my kitchen, staring stupidly at a jar of relish in my hand. I stumbled there when a glance at the hand-written date scribbled atop the canning jar left me dumbfounded. What could I possibly have been thinking? The Sharpie marker's lines did not lie. The date on the jar revealed that I had made Watermelon Rind Relish (of all things) just a couple of weeks before I delivered the twins. Not believing my eyes, I simply sat there, trying to remember what had possessed me at the time.

I remember a friend had given us some watermelons. Maybe as a gesture of thankfulness I wanted to show that we didn't take the gift for granted and wanted to use up every bit. Maybe I was panicking about how we would feed all these children and wanting to put at least something aside for later. More likely I was prideful and wanted to either show off how frugal I was (this kind of relish or pickle is made with the rinds- the part that we would normally throw away) or that I could still manage to do things like that while pregnant with twins. I cannot know now, I no longer remember. What I do remember is that I was on bedrest, almost nine months pregnant with twins. I was allowed two hours up to manage life in between every other two hours being horizontal. The fact that making and canning this ridiculous relish was how I chose to spend my precious two hours up makes me sick.

How I wish this was a random act of idiocy on my part. Sadly, it is all too often the way I in particular, and we women in general walk through life. Making foolish choices that have no value in eternity while neglecting the better things that will be investments in the Time to Come has been my modus opperandi . Father, could you save me from myself, please?

I love one-subject notebooks and use them daily for lists and those thousand things I write down to clear brain space. As I was spiffying my desk the other day, I was purging old lists from my notebooks, ripping and discarding page after page of To-Do Lists. Glancing over the lists was humbling as I saw time and time again how they each had far too much unnecessary activity.  Evaluating item after item on the lists I found myself again wondering incredulously, 'What was I thinking?' Why did I think I needed to do X and Y with a husband, home and nine children to care for? Who's big fat idea was it to add this to my list?

The reason for each thing may have been the same or I could have had some different excuse reason each time. Who knows? I have an educated guess based on my past performances that there was sin involved in each decision to add excess stuff-to-do on my lists. Pride, Fear of Man and Unbelief by not trusting my Father to take care of my needs have all been major players in the past. Whatever the reasons have been, I have to choose to walk differently these days. The fruit of this lifestyle is stress and bitterness because life does not work out the way I plan it and the things on the list never get done. I remember that the children helped me make the relish, but knowing that we only had a two hour window to pull it off explains how I know it could not have been fun. The relish turned out to be really yucky, too.

May our Father give us the grace to know when to just have a picnic and feed the watermelon rinds to the cows... figuratively for you, but literally for me.

So What Do You Do When You’re Living In Limbo?

Our current listing agreement for selling our house ends today. It has now been two years since we first put our home on the market and, like most things in life, I could not have foreseen it taking this long. (For those who are new here, we are selling our home to get out of debt, then to pursue a ministry opportunity in Israel.) It is a weird place of limbo we are in - trying to purge and downsize to be ready for a move, but still having to function in the life we are in now. I have regretted several things that have succumbed to our purging while other things bought for our new life are collecting dust. My home does not even look homey to me, as I have gotten rid of anything extra that I could, and it looks lonely and bare.

Our tax assessment lost $40K in this last year, tempting us to freak out because we will only purchase with cash from here on out. Assuming the selling price is affected, that $40K just cost us greatly. I said tempted because we have not freaked out yet, but you cannot trust that ol' flesh, you know. It simply means that we will end up living in the bus longer than planned and likely be able to afford only an earth bag house when all is said and done. Mr. Visionary and the children are thrilled about this option and go around calling us the Dirt Bag Family. Me? I flip-flop between terror and adventurous enthusiasm about living in the bus with eleven of us and I still cannot figure out how the earth bag house won't be full of mildew. (I don't get how wool diaper covers work, either, but I love them, so we'll see.)

Our future plans seem very far away and I spend a lot of time asking Father about what we should be doing now. It appears to be a season for preparation in some way, but in what way? We have the last of our cows sold or in the freezer, the goats and chickens have been gone for some time now and I cut off the electricity at the barn. Lots of closure.

Our home fellowship has all but disbanded, so we have our Shabbats free to spend praying and studying as a family, which is good and bad. The busyness of hosting the group kept us from having time to think about our future too much, but our newly quiet Shabbats have stirred the questions awake again.

Do we list the house again, or wait until Spring? Is YHWH limited to the "good season for selling"? Do we make it For Sale By Owner, or find another realtor? Our old realtor marketed it as a gentleman's estate, but we think it should be marketed as a home for a large family. (How else do you show a house with eleven people living in it?)

What do we do, Father?

How many, many times we have repented and grieved over ever getting a mortgage! We truly are in bondage - not free to go where He calls when He calls.  He will redeem even this situation to grow us and to bring glory to Himself, for sure...but the regret is painful. Praise YHWH that His mercies are new every morning.

I'm just sayin'...I don't have any answers for what to do while living in limbo, except to continue to seek His face and thank Him for this season. The While I'm Waiting song from Fireproof has been on our lips during this season, but even that is a partial answer. "I will worship while I'm waiting, I will serve You while I'm waiting"...can still be personalized into specific answers to specific questions, but I suspect that the answers to what we should do during this season will only be apparent after the season is over and we're looking back. Hindsight, you know.

‘Tis The Season

This is the season that several years ago, changed our lives forever. To be more precise, it was hindsight during the aftermath of this season that spurred our changing. In the midst of looking back over that recent 'celebration' of Christmas, we were led to go back to square one and determine the exact nature of our priorities and examine why we were doing what we had been doing.

As much as in years past, this kind of statement would make me roll my eyes and sigh with irritation at folks who did the same, our examination led us to completely revamp our celebrations of our Saviour's birth. We no longer observe Christmas, even though at one time I snickered at my impression of others who did not, assured that they were sanctimoniously "holier than thou". I was sure folks were making too big a deal of small issues and were highly uptight. Oh brother.

I'll not go into all the reasons why we no longer observe Christmas, but will instead share a few links that intrigued us in the beginning of our journey back to the beginning. Those that are interested may study further and those that are not can go on without feeling judged. I do not begrudge anyone else celebrating Christmas - it is definitely a personal decision - but I wanted to share because I was glad to have my eyes opened to what I was doing, and how it appeared to Yahweh. There may be someone else who will one day be glad I shared.

Assuming that they do not care enough to ask, it hurts our feelings some that close family members have never asked about our reasons for changing our practices.  But should you wonder, we still celebrate the birth of our Saviour, but now it is during the Feast of Tabernacles when the Word became flesh and tabernacled among us. We also now celebrate His conception during Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights (the biblical Feast of Dedication), because Yeshua is the Light of the World. We praise Yahweh for Yeshua's birth, life, death and resurrection all through the year as well.

From our Torah Class studies by Tom Bradford, here is a short message that may help anyone who is wanting to dig a little deeper. It will at least give you some stuff to Google. Blessings!

Hanukkah Is For Christians (text file)

Hanukkah Is For Christians (MP3 file -about 30 minutes)

Just Say No To The Ministers of Molech

Life matters. Because it matters to me, I am following Holly's example and posting this Randy Alcorn blog post. Despite the Grace-Covers-Licentiousness doctrine speaking to the contrary, we will face a day when we will individually need to stand at Yah's judgement throne and give account. That Day compels a lot of my choices on a day-to-day basis, and my choice for President is included. Instead of seeking to "send a message to the RNC", I choose to send a message to the unborn with my vote. To not vote, is to vote for Obama. To vote for a third party candidate is to vote for Obama. McCain leaves a lot to be desired, but it is the best choice I have that I believe will actually have a chance at getting elected. When I check "McCain" on the ballot, it will be a vote against Obama and a culture that encourages infant sacrifice. I urge you to consider your answer to Yah on That Day as you cast your vote.

Edit: I am not technologically adept enough to imbed this whole post without making everything else on the blog be out-of-whack, so I am posting a link and a quote. Please don't write this off. Please go read this post at Randy's blog:

I'm Not Voting For A Man, I'm Voting For Generations Of Children And Their Right To Live by Randy Alcorn

"Every Christian should take these teachings seriously. Is the unborn an innocent human being? If you claim to be prolife in the historical meaning of the word, then your answer is yes. Is abortion the shedding of innocent blood, the taking of human life created in the image of God? If you say you are prolife, your answer must be yes. (Please do not redefine the meaning of the word prolife and say "I'm prolife" if you're really not.)

So, is the candidate’s stand on the issue of shedding innocent blood important enough to disqualify him as a candidate? Yes. While a single issue can’t qualify a candidate, it can disqualify him. In my opinion, this issue clearly disqualifies Barack Obama, just as it disqualified Republican Rudy Giuliani.

I don’t think someone is a good candidate just because he is prolife. But he cannot be a good candidate unless he is prolife. Personally, if he is committed to legalized child-killing, as a matter of conscience I must vote against him."

How Not To Celebrate Rosh Hashana

The feast days of YHWH often leave me with profound lessons about the Messiah and insight into His plans for us. This year, however, my lessons from Yom Teruah (Rosh Hashana) were of a more practical nature.

My currently having nine sick children and one very sick husband compel me to offer this advice. On the Feast of Trumpets (Rosh Hashana) , when observing the command to blow the trumpet:

DO NOT SHARE THE SHOFAR!

Next year, Yah willing, we will have one designated shofar-blower. And we'll disinfect the thing when it's over. I'm just sayin'.

My Wedding Day Ride

The whole affair was a pretty haphazard business. At my tender age, experience was dreadfully lacking. In a months' time I had graduated from high school, turned 18, bought a house and was about to be married. Still in the blush of my youth (batting eyelashes here), I had only witnessed one wedding ever. Ever. And it was only a month before my own. Not much help.

So much of it was patched-up and thrown together at the last minute that any original plans were long forgotten. The night before the wedding, when asked, "Where are the programs?", my answer of, "What are programs?" should have been a sign that all was not well in the planning department. After breaking into the church past midnight to create and print the programs (we had permission, but no keys), the next morning was nothing less than zany. All those visions of a leisurely breakfast saying goodbye to the family were not to be. Instead, folks were rushing hither and yon and the phone was ringing off the hook. When it was my turn to take a shower, things were just settling down a bit.

Stepping out of the shower, it was eerily quiet in the house as I realized I was the only one there. It seemed that everyone assumed that someone else was taking the bride to the church. Mr. Visionary had my car, and there were no other cars home. No one was answering the church phone, and those were the days before everyone five years old and over had their own cell phones. After a half hour of frantic and futile phone calls to find someone (anyone) to drive me to the church, I finally gave up. My best laid plans were long since wrecked, and my last minute I'll-Think-Myself-Out-Of-This-Bind efforts failed as well. I was down to, "Father, if you want me to be married today, you'll need to send me a ride," which is really where I should have started.

Mr. Visionary reminded me of this story this afternoon, as I was nervously trying to think myself out of another bind. My desire for a home birth this pregnancy was overruled by nature of it being twins. No midwife would attend a twin birth at our home, forty minutes from the closest hospital, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, either. However, a hospital birth requires planning in the area of childcare and transportation for the laboring woman (namely Me). Therein lies the rub.

Mr. Visionary works a minimum of an hour away from home four days a week. My midwife and OB have both instructed me not to mess around, and to expect a quick labor. My labors aren't terribly long anyway (usually six hours or way less), and twin labors are known for being much shorter than "normal". If I should labor while Mr. Visionary is at work, I will need someone to take me to the hospital and someone else to stay with the children. Both of these somebodies will need to be fairly close to where I live, which is a huge obstacle in itself- I don't have many friends that live close.

My worrier nature wants to remember that my labor with the Dreamer was just over two hours, that I am already dilated several centimeters, that my first childcare plan will not be available because of her having a boatload of company coming in this week, and that I cannot drive while in labor. That is just the beginning of my list. I can think of plenty more while laying awake timing contractions.

Back to the wedding day story. When I finally gave back to Yahweh the burden of deciding how it would all work out, it did. The phone rang, and some friends from out of town were calling to see if there was anything they could do. They picked me up, and the show went on... on time even.

Mr. Visionary reminds me that the same will happen in this situation -Yahweh will provide... and that it too, will be right on time.

You Should Have Thought About That Before…

There is an unwritten rule that mothers of large families know. The ones who do not know this rule, figure it out on their own pretty quickly, as there are no shortages of situations in which it will need to be applied. Any stranger in the grocery store, most relatives, casual acquaintances, pastors, and even close friends can be the tutors to introduce a Mom to this rule. How helpful.

The rule states that a mother of many children, in any case where any circumstances related to bearing or raising children are less than the picture of textbook perfection and bliss, must remain silent. Such a mother may never utter so much as a syllable indicating the less-than-Utopian condition of her health, her family dynamics or her discipline struggles in auditory range of another individual save her husband. A sigh from such a mother is also universally understood to be an invitation for others to dispense prescriptions of ancient wisdom gleaned from years of watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. Said advice typically begins with the same sage statement.

"You should have thought about that before you ______."

The blank is left open for the advisor to customize the counsel to the specific situation in which the unsuspecting mother has left herself vulnerable. Before you got pregnant, before you had so many children, before you decided to homeschool, etc., are all the usual fillers of the blank. Although the assumption is that one could not have made such decisions with forethought, it does not appear that the advisors know how self-righteous and condescending these assumptions are.

Could it possibly be that I have somehow come through thirty-five years of worldly American culture (to include thirteen years in public school) unscathed unaware that there are ways to avoid pregnancy (i.e. "fix" what is not broken)? Unlikely. Is it possible that I could be unaware that there is a quick fix to any "accidental" pregnancy? With the world shrieking so fiercely about each persons' choices, and even the Church for the most part, accepting such an abomination, I would be hard pressed to miss it. To assume that either my choices are uneducated or my practices accidental is illogical. It couldn't happen in this culture. Not today.

I cannot speak for everyone who has a large family, but ours... I know. Let the record show that I did think about it before I did it. I counted the cost of pregnancy, labor, birth, breastfeeding, homeschooling, raising these blessings of ours, and every detail involved. What I found is that it is hard. It involves excruciating pain... backbreaking, toilsome labor day in and day out, often giving what I did not know I had to more people than I knew I could love.

Our culture is so selfish that it often surprises us to know that people still decide, even today, that just because something is hard does not mean it isn't worth doing. Let's not assume too much. The mothers of many children that I know are making this decision over and over again, even in the face of persecution from the ones who should be supportive. Most of us have to suffer in silence. Alone. It adds to the difficulty, but by YHWH's grace, it cannot detract from the joy.

The textbooks couldn't do that justice anyway.

My Un-Sweet Husband

It really makes me cringe. I know it isn't all that huge in the grand scheme of things. I mean really, what with global warming and all (right Mr. Gore?), it just doesn't rank up there in the top list of world issues. Being aware of this, I still reserve the right to vent a bit. On behalf of husbands (and sons over ten) everywhere, I am about to do just that.

Maybe I just have a warped sense of masculinity, or perhaps I have too much free time on my hands for thinking about gnats in eyes and all things irrelevant, but it sends a creepy fingernails-on-chalkboard tingle down my spine to hear women call their husbands sweet. We've all read the blogs with something like this in the bio, or seen e-mail signature lines proclaiming it - they're everywhere:

"I am a mother of three and wife to the bestest and sweetest hubby in the whole world!"

I am almost sure, if this were real life, that her next move would be to start coochie-cooing under his chin and making lipstick marks on his cheek. Now, we have all seen this process happen with Barney Fife, and as amusing as it was to watch on The Andy Griffith Show, (and as apparently effective as it was on Old Barney), it just isn't good ladies. Barney not being the picture of masculinity, we wouldn't want to use him as an example of what to do with real-life, real-men hubbies husbands.

I recognize that this is purely opinion, but I also suspect that, in a moment that includes no fear of repercussion in the form of wifely pouting, most husbands would agree that they do not appreciate being called sweet. Praise, appreciation, encouragement and affirmation... are all good and necessary. Done properly it can truly minister to a man, and they need this type of ministry from their wives above all people. I am not arguing the principle, just the method.

Especially these days, our culture is female dominated. Everything is focused on the woman in a relationship. When the relationship is faltering the perception and, indeed, proclamation is that it is because he doesn't communicate enough, he isn't loving enough, or he isn't meeting her needs. It it enough to make me sick on behalf of husbands in this country. For just once, in at least this once instance, girls, can we care about their side? (Yikes... I was trying so hard to make this a cute post.) I'm not busting anyone's chops, I just want to encourage us to think about our words, and realize that the wrong ones can be not just ineffective, but deleterious to our man's self image.

If we desire to compliment our husbands let's do it in a way that will actually touch his heart, not make him roll his eyes. You know how your older sons behave when you tell them they are "so cute" or "such a sweet boy"? Their opinions of such "compliments" do not change as they get older, they are just more subdued in their response. A word fitly spoken that honors his masculinity (and I'm not just talking muscles here) can be balm to his soul. Especially when it comes from his wife.

So, please compliment your husband. Respect him! Encourage him! Admire him! But whatever you do... please don't call him sweet.

Proverbs 25:11 "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."

New Poster Awaits Bush

In the upcoming days, billboards all over Jerusalem will be plastered with a new poster on the eve of U.S. President Bush’s visit to Israel.



I'm just sayin'. He should.

Original article from Arutz Sheva  HERE.  Free High resolution version of the poster in PDF format HERE.

She Sure Is Sneaky!

So my friend Cheri sends the most vague and mysterious email this morning. After I determined that she must get up way earlier than us in the mornings, I popped over to her place to see what was up. I was blessed by finding that she had given me a blog award. That means a lot to me, especially considering my opinion of her ~ she is one of the most faithful Mommas I know. She loves Yahweh, loves His Word and is a Believer whom strong wind does not shake. She is also an herbal mentor to me and makes awesome soap, salves and teas, but those things are just the fringe benefits. I am blessed to call her Friend. Thanks, Cheri.



On with the rules:

Eric Novak came out with the Christian award “Blogging with a Purpose” in late April of 2007. With so many secular awards around, Eric thought it would be a good idea to come out with a Christian award.

Rules:
1. Awarded parties must nominate five people who have not received the award.
2. The blogs that receive the award must serve some purpose.
3. In their post about the award they need to link back to this entry.
4. Awarded parties must post the award banner on their site. The banner must remain linked to this site.

And my choices for those upon whom I would like to bestow this award are quite a struggle. There are several friends' or acquaintances' blogs for whom sending this award would be a hardship rather than just a blessing, as the time involved in posting and linking would be a burden because of where they are in life at the moment. So what's a girl to do?

Instead, I'll post a few links of blogs that have blessed me over the years. Yeah, I know it seems like a cop-out, but sometimes it is the best way. So, be blessed by the following:

Carla Lynne ~ My real life friend who has made a drastic-but-wonderful move to get closer to where Yahweh is calling her family. My hero, really.

My Holly-Belle ~ A lady who follows her convictions even when they are not popular... and does it with grace. One of the first things I noticed about her is how much she loves her husband. She's a Momma's Momma, too. Go easy on her... she welcomed baby number eight a mere three weeks ago, and is still honeymooning with her Wee One.

Large Family Logistics ~ If you go here, you will see that Kim is in no place to blog now. But her archives will be a blessing to you, as they were for me when they were new. It has much about the practicals of large family life, but any size family will benefit from her blog.

Heart of Wisdom Blog ~ Robin Sampson is a mother of eleven who is a deep thinker. Her book by the same title made me rethink a lot of my methods in homeschooling and slaughter a lot of sacred cows in the area of "thou shalts" for homeschooling. Our life is freer and more productive educationally since applying the methods in her book, which she shows are really some of the same ones used by Yeshua (Jesus) with His disciples.

(Yay! I have successfully resisted the urge to *have* to choose five. These were the ones on my heart, so these are the ones I'd like to share with you. )

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 11

A HEBRAIC PERSPECTIVE

A Priesthood Change: From Levitical to Melchizedek's

Empowered By The Holy Spirit

Immersion In The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit As Teacher

The Spirit Of Conviction

 

Here's the link for Lesson 11.

 

Often as I have been studying the Hebraic foundation of our faith, I have been blown away by how interconnected the "Testaments" are. I had no idea how much the Newer Testament built upon and showed the fulfillment of the Older Testament. Let me know if you are as amazed as I was at learning the background behind Jesus' baptism. Things like this keep sending me back to the Older Testament to study more to see what else I will "see" that makes it all fit together so seamlessly. I keep having the same reaction over and over when studying these lessons: my mouth drops open, and all I can say for a while is, "Wow."

 

 

 

 

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 9

So, Thanksgiving is over here in the States, and life is ~fairly~ back to normal, so let's go on to Lesson 9, in which Mike & Sue discuss:

 

A HEBRAIC PERSPECTIVE

Life As A Pilgrimage

The Answered Prayer of The Righteous

The Home, The Basic Spiritual Building Block

Fellowship of Extended Spiritual Family

 

Here's the link for Lesson 9.

 

If profundity comes, please share in the comments. :)

Yeah, It Matters

I am making this a "Page" to go on the upper right sidebar, but I also wanted to post it here, in order to make sure everyone got a chance to read it. From here on, I'll be using this name, and I wanted you all to understand why. As soon as I can, I'll go back to edit all the old posts to reflect this as well.

I never knew it did before. Sure, I had read the Ten Commandments - even taught them to my kids - but I never studied them, never really interrogated the text. I had not even so much as questioned "The" commandments concerning whether they had been interpreted accurately... whether the words of the King of the Universe had been preserved carefully enough.

Studying prophecy and comparing it to current events is a common practice in our home. We read about world events and without hesitation compare what we see to Holy Scripture - all the time. Object lessons abound, and we can get "Current Events" credit while eating dinner. We do not wait for anything major or catastrophic. Ordinary, run-of-the-mill events give us plenty of fodder for discussion, then we move on to baths, laundry and dishes ~ other ordinary, run-of-the-mill events. But when I catch myself mentally rehashing recent happenings, when I think of them in the middle of the night and I just can't seem to let an issue go... I often sense the urging of the Holy Spirit to dig deeper, check things out, and see how all these things fit together.

My family knows I hate grey. Androgyny, ambiguity, politician-speak, circular logic, ecumenicalism, fence-sitting ... I hate them all. Say what you're saying, nail it down, pick a side, take a stand...choose... please. Concerning matters of normal life, the vagueness bothers me some... but when it comes to the things of eternal importance, the generalities anger me. So when I found that Pope Benedict prayed in a Muslim mosque to "the One God", and a Dutch bishop has suggested that Christians call their god "Allah" to keep from offending Muslims, I can promise that, as we say in the South, it stuck in my craw. This seemed to me to be more than just grey, it was wrong. So I went to the Word to check it out.

It appears that I am not the only one concerned about this "It's-all-the-same-god-let's-all-call-him-the-same-name" spiel- it is all over the "Christian" blogosphere. The problem is, that the rest of us "Christians" haven't been calling Him by the proper name, either. The King James Version incorrectly "translates" the third commandment, Exodus 20:7, "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." Taking in vain (Strong's #7723) means to desolate, make useless, or ruin. We usually think we are doing well if we don't curse... we wouldn't want to ruin the word "LORD" or "God", right? The problem is, that the command is not to take his *NAME* in vain, and neither LORD nor God is his name.

In the third commandment, and in at least 5,000 other places in the Scriptures, He tells us His name. I knew that a principle in studying scripture is that, the more times something is recorded, the more importance it should have. So when I compared this figure to second half of the commandment, I was frightened into doing more study. Realizing that I had never heard His name in church was enough to make me shudder. Remembering that the KJV - the one that eliminates His name - was the most widely used translation for hundreds of years made me cringe. The church as a whole has desolated His name. Gulp.

His name, in Hebrew, the language of Scripture, translates into the four English letters YHWH, usually pronounced Yahweh. It is also the name included in these verses: (As per the original Hebrew text, His name has been added back in.)

Micah 4:5 For all people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of YHWH our God forever and ever.

Zephaniah 3:9 For then will I turn to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of YHWH, to serve him with one consent.

Isaiah 42:8 I am YHWH: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images.

Jeremiah 16:21 Therefore, behold, I will this once cause them to know, I will cause them to know mine hand and my might; and they shall know that my name is YHWH.

Zechariah 13:9 And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, YHWH is my God.

Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of YHWH, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of YHWH, shall be put to death.

Isaiah 47:4 As for our redeemer, YHWH of hosts is his name, the Holy One of Israel.

Isaiah 56:5-7 Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off. Also the sons of the stranger, that join themselves to YHWH, to serve him, and to love the name of YHWH, to be his servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and taketh hold of my covenant; Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called a house of prayer for all people.

Jeremiah 50:34 Their Redeemer is strong; YHWH of hosts is his name: he shall throughly plead their cause, that he may give rest to the land, and disquiet the inhabitants of Babylon.

Jeremiah 51:19 The portion of Jacob is not like them; for he is the former of all things: and Israel is the rod of his inheritance: YHWH of hosts is his name.

Joel 2:32 And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of YHWH shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as YHWH hath said, and in the remnant whom YHWH shall call.

Amos 4:13 For, lo, he that formeth the mountains, and createth the wind, and declareth unto man what is his thought, that maketh the morning darkness, and treadeth upon the high places of the earth, YHWH, The God of hosts, is his name.

Amos 5:8 Seek him that maketh the seven stars and Orion, and turneth the shadow of death into the morning, and maketh the day dark with night: that calleth for the waters of the sea, and poureth them out upon the face of the earth: YHWH is his name:

Amos 9:6 It is he that buildeth his stories in the heaven, and hath founded his troop in the earth; he that calleth for the waters of the sea, and poureth them out upon the face of the earth: YHWH is his name.

Because I hate ecumenicalism and feel compelled to take a stand, I use the name of YHWH with no apologies. I desire to distance myself from all those that believe we "all worship the same god" because I worship the Holy One of Israel exclusively. I believe there is no difference in calling Him 'Allah' and calling Him 'God'. 'Allah' is just the Arabic word for 'God', and worse yet, 'Allah' in Hebrew, the language of scripture, means 'curse'. I can no longer call him by a title that in His language means curse (Allah), is the name of a false god mentioned in scripture (God), or is a name that actually goes back to Baal (the LORD). I just can't. In the same way that I want Phil to call me "Julie", and not "Wife"... I want to call Him by His name. My intimacy with Him makes me desire to call upon His name. Sure, calling on His name is more than proper pronunciation... it speaks to His character... who He is. But I can't think of a better way to distinguish which god with which character than to call on the personal name He has revealed to us.

"But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him" John 4:23. I am led to believe that part (by no means all) of worshipping in truth is calling Him by His real name, not some general title, used loosey-goosey by every Tom, Dick or Harry who considers themselves (or wishes to portray themselves as) "spiritual".

All this is to say that it matters. It matters to YHWH (hence the 5,000 times it is recorded in His Word), and it matters to me (hence this post). Whether it matters to you or not, is your call.

Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve YHWH, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve YHWH.

Please, don't take my word... do your own homework on this. Edited:  Look up the Strong's Concordance word #3068, count and consider for yourself. After thinking about it more, I really don't think the Strong's is that great of a help. If you're interested in this, I recommend searching Google - maybe search YHWH- and may He bless your search.

YHWH bless thee, and keep thee:
YHWH make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
YHWH lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them.

~Numbers 6:24-27

Full Disclosure

Was it the crushing of my laptop last week?

Maybe it was the first bout of sickness that hit my house?

Perhaps it was the switching of the seasonal clothes for seven children, the stocking up on homemade tinctures and salves, our speaking at another church this past week, my listing of 350 items from my house for sale, or the fact that my Grandmother is making bean soup. I list the last option as proof that if one is looking for an excuse, any one will do. You always find what you're looking for, after all.

The fact is, bean soup or not, I've been swamped, which partially explains why I haven't posted another lesson in the study. The word "partially" indicates that further explaining is in order. While I do not feel the need to explain, I do feel the desire, so permit me to make an attempt.

Mr. Visionary and I were tremendously blessed by all that we were led to study on our own through the instigation of these lessons. When we considered beginning the study, it was for one reason: we wanted others to experience blessing as well. I had mentioned the study in a post before, but realized that the length of the study would be too daunting for most folks. I have this reaction as well... when I see something very long, I automatically sigh and dismiss it, unless...

Unless it sounds like something I have been looking for.

We believed we could not be the only ones searching for a better way, searching to see Father's face more clearly, seeking to discard all that we had inherited from the world, in order to live on nothing but the Word. We felt led to begin the study for the other ones who were searching, too. We did not know who these would be, but felt sure that our Father would.

Throughout the beginning of this study, I have been overwhelmed with all that it has required of me. We were sure we were supposed to start it, but the walking it out has been more challenging than I had imagined. As I have gone through the study this second time, it has been just as profoundly affecting me as the first. I have needed time to digest and ponder... time to understand things more clearly... time to pray and know that I am hearing His voice.

The questions and e-mail that have multiplied by ten have been all that I can keep up with. My dear friend has encouraged me to begin a Yahoo group to help with further discussion (and all the questions), but that as well would be consuming, and too much for this mother of seven to manage. (I'm organized, but I'm not that organized.) I desire to help and to answer questions, but with only so much time, I struggle to determine what this would look like. Please bear with me as I figure it all out.

Also, I have been feeling pressured by my perceived need to post something profound (or at least attempt it) for each lesson. But, as Mr. Visionary reminded me, perception is not reality, and anyway, profundity doesn't always come. Sometimes I am just as much in a digestion stage as everyone else, and cannot come up with anything coherent to share. If I post the lessons alone, I hope to be able to free up more time to enter into the discussion with everyone else. All of this is to say that I will be just posting the lessons from here on out, and sharing my own experience through the comments.

Whew... I feel relieved already!

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 8

Here's the link for Lesson 8.

If you have anything you'd like to share, please leave it in the comments section below! :)

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 7

"Oh, thank you...I appreciate your mentioning that. But, no Ma'am, we won't be needing it."

"Yes sir, they told us that you have a _____ (Children's ministry/Sunday school/Nursery). Thank you for mentioning it again...if we need it, we'll let you know."

There have been times, when visiting churches, that literally four or five people in a row (of steadily increasing "rank") have bullied pressured strongly encouraged us to utilize the programs that are available at their church when it became apparent that we were intending to ~ gasp ~ keep our children with us during the worship service. The pressure to parcel out our children was unrelenting, the stares of disbelief when we didn't were blatant and the overall disdainful atmosphere was thick as molasses.

For a girl who struggles with Fear of Man, each of these instances could have been a temptation to cave...to give in to the pressure, and go against my convictions and, in the words of my Firm-As-A-Rock-And-A-Little-Saucy husband, roll over and wet on myself. Had it not been for our (unknowingly) instituting the practice of halakah as described in this lesson, I surely would have caved.

We had already been taught Yahweh's plan for families by one of those few passages we had studied from the Older Testament. We had embraced a Deuteronomy 6 lifestyle which affected every area of our marriage and parenting. After determining through the written Word (logos) that we were to live this way, we had to determine exactly what that would look like walked out in our family. This is where the Word (rhema) came in. We so needed Yahweh to show us what He wanted this to look like for us.

Homeschooling? Check. That was logos.

What curriculum to use?
Would we use any public school programs?
What subjects to study?
What would our days look like?
Would we incorporate any other teachers into our children's education?
These questions were all rhema...not specifically stated in Scripture, but still things we needed to know.

Worshiping together as a family unit? Check. That was logos.

Would we be in fellowship that did not agree with this practice?
What if they made a stink about it and asked us to step out of the service?
What if they begrudgingly accepted it?
What about Sunday School, youth group, AWANAS, etc.?
These too, were rhema.

Because we had already walked through many of the big issues in our life, and were firmly grounded in the "Thus saith the Lord" of them for our family, we knew what we would do in each varied situation. There was no question at the time. Just as having a budget eliminates having to make so many financial decisions, having halakahs set up, prayed (and sometimes fasted) over, and ingrained in our walk, it eliminates a lot of temptation and stress. Whew.

On a side note, let me just discuss for a moment what we found rhema is not. It is not looking at the clearly stated Word (logos) and deciding that XYZ clear instruction doesn't apply to us. There are some things that are without question. "Do not murder" means do not murder...whether the victim is an unborn child or an elderly or handicapped person. "Be fruitful and multiply" means that married people don't have the option to "choose" to not have any children because it doesn't suit their career plans or "calling" in ministry. "Honor the Sabbath" means in the way and on the day He has stated...not in the way and on the day it is convenient to us.

This is also the reason why we have found it so crucial to decide based on the logos and rhema alone before trying to figure out how we will walk it out. When we determined that Yahweh desired for us to keep the Sabbath, there was no way, "on paper" that it was going to work out. We were so busy as it was, and had no time to complete all we needed...we had to just act on faith.

I am here to tell you that Yahweh is faithful to extend grace to those who walk with Him in obedient trust! We have experienced manifold blessings from this one simple act of obedience...just doing what He told us, without questions, and letting the pieces fall where they may. I will go as far as saying that it has changed our life. His grace to help us obey is unending.

Mike and Sue reiterate this here:

Grace is the power and desire to uphold God's truth in your life no matter what it costs you. (snip) God's grace will enable you to keep your new conviction because of your desire to lovingly obey Him. Continue to pray for grace. And repent of your failure for not having known these new truths or lived by them before this time.

It is a good thing, too. After a few recent events, it appears we have some more halakahs to make, and that grace will be put into use once again.

Here's the link to Lesson 7.

(Please note that this was a post in a series from a study we are working through on Restoring The Early Church. You are welcome to join us at any time! Please start at Lesson One, which is HERE.)

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 6

I'm sure it had to have begun much earlier, but this was certainly a defining moment in my spiritual journey. I know I heard him correctly, for the way this large man bellowed, no one could have missed it. His frankness in asserting that this was his "fifth time getting saved" left me dumbstruck.

His hair still dripping from his recent baptism, he confided that he "liked to do it every once in a while to keep things right with the Big Man". That same feeling I get when someone drinks a diet soda with a Quarter Pounder and fries, or follows a Vitamin C tablet with a drag on their cigarette...that same, "That. Just. Isn't...enough..." feeling smothered me. A choking desire to scream and sob all at once left me speechless. Judging from the others around me all smiling, hugging and slapping the back of this poor fellow, I must have been the only one with misgivings about what I had just witnessed.

I knew I was not completely alone, though. Mr. Visionary and I had just the previous week been discussing his first experience officially going "soul winning". On a Saturday, he was paired up with an "experienced soul winner" and spent the first half of the day walking around an apartment complex trying to find folks with whom they could witness. The tally at the end of the day for this pair was one soul "won". After Mr. Visionary explained that the woman to whom they spoke was stone-cold drunk, and barely able to repeat the "sinners' prayer", I could not help but wonder...what about all the other thirty souls "won" that day? The soul winners who announced their totals the next day in the worship service all seemed proud enough, and the music and applause afterward were certainly booming. Yet, the nagging whisper did not go away. If the numbers of folks who had been "saved" through this congregation's efforts were so vast, where were the folks? Or better yet, assuming they could have gone somewhere else to church...the numbers cited were approximately ten percent of our large city's population...why hadn't the face of our entire city been changed? What was wrong with this picture?

Our background coming into this lesson was certainly one of believing that something was missing in the church, that there had to be something more to salvation than what we had always been told (and believed ourselves). It was a frequent occurrence that I would walk someone through the Roman Road, sweetly assuring them that all they had to do was believe. I would calm their fears, and settle their minds. When they asked, "Isn't there more to it? Don't I have to *do* something?". I would always say, "No, that's the beauty of His grace...all we have to do is believe." When later, the same person was living like hell again, with no recognizable difference in their life, I would be sad and frustrated and think, "I know I said all they had to do was believe...but...but..."

A major truth that Mr. Visionary and I had to accept was that no true doctrine can lose anything by closer inspection. Inside, outside, upside down...the truth is the truth is the truth...and our tearing it apart to make sure it is true could only lead to two outcomes. Either we would discover that it was wholly or partially false, or we would be that much more firmly grounded in why it is true. "...Be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear" 1Peter 3:15b. There are no other options, and we could not lose.

We can fully relate to Kirk Cameron's testimony. He tells that he first got saved with the Jesus-loves-you-and-has-a-wonderful-plan-for-your-life spiel. It wasn't until much later that he heard the bad news that he had transgressed the holy standard of a holy God, and experienced true repentance. Since this was our story as well, we have for several years only preached the good news with the bad, to our children and those we come into contact with. But even with the Bad-News-First plan (Here's the law...see, you broke it...but here's what God has done to fix it), there was still something missing. We were determined to dig until we found it. Even if it meant that our neatly boxed paradigms were shattered once and for all. We were willing to take that chance to find the truth. Having already worked through the Demolishing Strongholds materials, and both of us having prayed earnestly that Father would remove from us any spirit of deceit...that we would see only His truth...and nothing else...we were ready to begin.

This lesson was pivotal in our journey to understanding the true gospel. What in the world did the Old Testament have to do with the gospel? What exactly was this gospel that the Early Church preached? I'm sure we had no idea...but we were going to find out. I was fully and forcefully convicted, however, that I could not keep saying that I believed the Bible was God's Word, that it was infallible, and utterly sufficient for all of life if I was to continue treating the Old Testament the way I had. The truth is, it had been good for stories for the children, for debunking the theory of Evolution, for pulling out a few gems for parenting, and for my self-righteous Reading-Through-In-A-Year plan, but I mostly ignored it as irrelevant. I had to repent, and in the changing of my ways, my Father has once again showed unending mercy toward me, by teaching me what it was I had been missing.

My prayer is that this would be your testimony as well.

Here is the link for Lesson Six.

(Please note that this was a post in a series from a study we are working through on Restoring The Early Church. You are welcome to join us at any time! Please start at Lesson One, which is HERE.)

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 5

Sorry for the delay! We're working on a plan that will help with some of the technical difficulties some folks are having with being able to download the lessons. While we get the details worked out, let's go ahead with the next lesson.

Lesson Five is here.

 

( Please note: this post is part four in a study series we are beginning on Discussing Restoring the Early Church, in which you are welcome to join. You may find Lesson One HERE and the other lessons are posted on the sidebar.)

Restoring The Early Church - Lesson 4

( Please note: this post is part four in a study series we are beginning on Discussing Restoring the Early Church, in which you are welcome to join. You may find Lesson One HERE, Lesson Two HERE and Lesson Three HERE.)

He was trembling as he heard the words, his every muscle taut with the tension of the moment. As Shaphan finished the reading, all was still, the only perceptible sound the throbbing of his heart. The realization of all that the newfound scroll comprised struck fear in his very soul. His quivering hands subconsciously moved to clutch his throat when a wave of emotion enveloped him. The words of the law had been read. He immediately sensed the guilt that was upon himself and all the people.

Fearing the wrath of the God of Israel, he frantically ripped at his garments, violently tearing them asunder. The people, drawn by the sounds of his groaning agony watched in astonishment at this outward expression of the rending of his heart. Dropping to his knees King Josiah cried aloud, "Great is the wrath of the LORD that is poured out upon us, because our fathers have not kept the word of the LORD, to do after all that is written in this book." Echoes of his weeping reverberated throughout the palace and to the ends of the land...

The Holy Scriptures had been lost, and now were restored to Israel. He humbled himself, repented and received mercy. After the scroll had been rediscovered, King Josiah gathered the family leaders to hear the Word of the Lord so that they could rededicate themselves to their covenant with the Lord.

This is the place we are finding ourselves now. In a sense, the Word has been lost to us, buried in the doctrines of men. Adding to, changing, and reinterpreting the Word is a place we never want to be, and yet...

22,000 "Christian" denominations...

Hundreds of "Church Fathers"...

Councils, Edicts, Creeds, Doctrines...

Father, help us find our way back to your Word alone...for your glory.

Lesson 4, How Was The Word Lost? is HERE. Thanks for joining us!

Restoring the Early Church ~ Lesson 3

Please note: this post is part three in a study series we are beginning on Discussing Restoring the Early Church, in which you are welcome to join. You may find Lesson One, the introduction, HERE, and Lesson Two, HERE.

Whether you are still plugging away, hoping beyond hope that somehow it will get better, or you have stopped going altogether...know this: you are not alone. The fact that you are reading this is proof that He is wooing you back to Himself. You're tired of going there for what feels like no good reason. You're "burdened by the meaninglessness of so much that is traditionally a part of our churches", and you no longer even "come away with a warm feeling"...just busy emptiness.

I know.          Me, too.          Me.          Too.

We say that our faith must be lived- that Christ invades us to transform every aspect of daily life. Yet we teach this faith in formalized classes or sermons far out of a life context... We say that every believer is a priest, gifted and responsible for building up others in the Body of Christ. And we bring adults to church, set them down and tell them to listen to a teacher or to the pastor. They have exercised no ministry, held no responsibility but to be quiet and orderly, and have helped no one by their presence...

The Emperor doesn't have on any clothes, and it is about time somebody said so. Much time is spent in this lesson assessing exactly how far off the mark modern Christianity is today, but not for the sake of pointing it out alone. This isn't church-bashing, this is taking stock. Until we individually realize, deep down, the state of affairs in the church, and in our own hearts and lives, we are impotent to make any changes more lasting than Band-Aids. How long can we stand to "merely go through the motions of the ministry, having a form of godliness but no power"? See the problems. Notice the lack of fruit from all the effort. Grieve over the emptiness. It is a step not to be skipped over.

You think you're pleasing God for all your activity and its results, yet beneath the programs and entertainment lies an emptiness that few will admit. Institutionalism deceives you into feeling good about yourself even after your responsiveness to God has ceased.

Once we have a clear vision of our state of affairs, only then can we move on to the next step. Making a decision. We can either continue to "effect repairs", adding Band-Aids on top of Band-Aids both personally and corporately, or we can accept the challenge of restoring the true biblical foundations of the early Church.

Going once again to the model of relational priorities, we know that the depth of our personal relationship with our Father and Jesus is of utmost importance if the Holy Spirit is to guide us into the truth God wants us to live by. We need to remember our first love...whom we love because He first loved us...and who saved us while we were wretched sinners.

Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works... Revelation 2:4-5a

I was so encouraged by the closing statements in this lesson. It is my prayer that this will be the fruit of this study: that His children will search and discover truth through His Word alone, and not the traditions of men.

If you understand that Jesus is the only Head and Builder of His Church, you need to search the Bible. Discover that which He and the apostles presented through the Hebraic framework in which it was initially addressed. Those who are willing to do this can work together in agreement with the Holy Spirit and in our time see a true expression of the Church of Jesus Christ. Will it be popular? Probably not. Will it be powerful? Yes, exceedingly so!

Father, by your Holy Spirit, please help us to see. We need You to breathe life into our tired souls, and lead us through your Word into a deeper, truer relationship with You...for Your glory alone.

Here is the link for Lesson Three.

We'll wait to hear from you. However, know that this is a lot to think and pray through. I do not want us to go through this study too quickly. If you're feeling that we should slow down, or pause for a day or two, before moving on, let me know in the comments. I do not want to rush a move of the Spirit...and Father is in charge of the timing.