So What Do You Do When You’re Living In Limbo?

Our current listing agreement for selling our house ends today. It has now been two years since we first put our home on the market and, like most things in life, I could not have foreseen it taking this long. (For those who are new here, we are selling our home to get out of debt, then to pursue a ministry opportunity in Israel.) It is a weird place of limbo we are in - trying to purge and downsize to be ready for a move, but still having to function in the life we are in now. I have regretted several things that have succumbed to our purging while other things bought for our new life are collecting dust. My home does not even look homey to me, as I have gotten rid of anything extra that I could, and it looks lonely and bare.

Our tax assessment lost $40K in this last year, tempting us to freak out because we will only purchase with cash from here on out. Assuming the selling price is affected, that $40K just cost us greatly. I said tempted because we have not freaked out yet, but you cannot trust that ol' flesh, you know. It simply means that we will end up living in the bus longer than planned and likely be able to afford only an earth bag house when all is said and done. Mr. Visionary and the children are thrilled about this option and go around calling us the Dirt Bag Family. Me? I flip-flop between terror and adventurous enthusiasm about living in the bus with eleven of us and I still cannot figure out how the earth bag house won't be full of mildew. (I don't get how wool diaper covers work, either, but I love them, so we'll see.)

Our future plans seem very far away and I spend a lot of time asking Father about what we should be doing now. It appears to be a season for preparation in some way, but in what way? We have the last of our cows sold or in the freezer, the goats and chickens have been gone for some time now and I cut off the electricity at the barn. Lots of closure.

Our home fellowship has all but disbanded, so we have our Shabbats free to spend praying and studying as a family, which is good and bad. The busyness of hosting the group kept us from having time to think about our future too much, but our newly quiet Shabbats have stirred the questions awake again.

Do we list the house again, or wait until Spring? Is YHWH limited to the "good season for selling"? Do we make it For Sale By Owner, or find another realtor? Our old realtor marketed it as a gentleman's estate, but we think it should be marketed as a home for a large family. (How else do you show a house with eleven people living in it?)

What do we do, Father?

How many, many times we have repented and grieved over ever getting a mortgage! We truly are in bondage - not free to go where He calls when He calls.  He will redeem even this situation to grow us and to bring glory to Himself, for sure...but the regret is painful. Praise YHWH that His mercies are new every morning.

I'm just sayin'...I don't have any answers for what to do while living in limbo, except to continue to seek His face and thank Him for this season. The While I'm Waiting song from Fireproof has been on our lips during this season, but even that is a partial answer. "I will worship while I'm waiting, I will serve You while I'm waiting"...can still be personalized into specific answers to specific questions, but I suspect that the answers to what we should do during this season will only be apparent after the season is over and we're looking back. Hindsight, you know.

‘Tis The Season

This is the season that several years ago, changed our lives forever. To be more precise, it was hindsight during the aftermath of this season that spurred our changing. In the midst of looking back over that recent 'celebration' of Christmas, we were led to go back to square one and determine the exact nature of our priorities and examine why we were doing what we had been doing.

As much as in years past, this kind of statement would make me roll my eyes and sigh with irritation at folks who did the same, our examination led us to completely revamp our celebrations of our Saviour's birth. We no longer observe Christmas, even though at one time I snickered at my impression of others who did not, assured that they were sanctimoniously "holier than thou". I was sure folks were making too big a deal of small issues and were highly uptight. Oh brother.

I'll not go into all the reasons why we no longer observe Christmas, but will instead share a few links that intrigued us in the beginning of our journey back to the beginning. Those that are interested may study further and those that are not can go on without feeling judged. I do not begrudge anyone else celebrating Christmas - it is definitely a personal decision - but I wanted to share because I was glad to have my eyes opened to what I was doing, and how it appeared to Yahweh. There may be someone else who will one day be glad I shared.

Assuming that they do not care enough to ask, it hurts our feelings some that close family members have never asked about our reasons for changing our practices.  But should you wonder, we still celebrate the birth of our Saviour, but now it is during the Feast of Tabernacles when the Word became flesh and tabernacled among us. We also now celebrate His conception during Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights (the biblical Feast of Dedication), because Yeshua is the Light of the World. We praise Yahweh for Yeshua's birth, life, death and resurrection all through the year as well.

From our Torah Class studies by Tom Bradford, here is a short message that may help anyone who is wanting to dig a little deeper. It will at least give you some stuff to Google. Blessings!

Hanukkah Is For Christians (text file)

Hanukkah Is For Christians (MP3 file -about 30 minutes)

*Kosher* Holiday Cooking With Gelatin

Thanksgiving is upon us, and we love to get together with our extended family and feast, feast, feast. It is a great time for us to get together without the tension that can be a part of celebrations with relatives that are not believers. Somehow, the thankfulness that wells up in hearts on this day breaks down walls and allows conversations that would not normally occur. We discuss our hopes and dreams, reminisce over our growing up years and talk about what the future may hold for us and our children. We list our blessings,  acknowledging that for which we are thankful.  Most importantly, we openly discuss to whom we are thankful.

We love to have our favorite recipes, passed down from the Grandmas and passed across from special friends, but since we have had a change of heart regarding Yah's Word in the last few years, some of the recipes are just not acceptable anymore. In our efforts to avoid pork (among other things that Yah does not call food), we felt led to eliminate some of our old favorites that contained pork by-products like gelatin and marshmallows. Our family agreed to exalt no euphoric recall, longing for what we left behind in Egypt, but to be thankful for what we still have. We did this for several years until one day I had an epiphany. (Hey, it can happen.)



Since the children (and the Mommy) have missed a certain congealed Jell-O salad that Grandma used to make, I was determined to discover a way to make it without having to use Jell-O (99% of gelatin produced in the U.S. is made from pork skin). I got 100% beef gelatin (available at health food stores or online - try NOW brand), and brainstormed how to get it to taste fruity. My first ideas were using fruit juice, but they just didn't have the same flavor we were used to. Then the Kool-Aid idea hit me! I would use Kool-Aid as the liquid! Eureka!

So, without further adieu, I bring you the before and after versions of Grandma's Mandarin Orange Salad...

The Before version required: 1- 6 oz. package orange Jell-O, but the new version has Kool-Aid and bulk (plain) beef gelatin substituted.

Mandarin Orange Congealed Salad

One  0.15 oz. package orange-flavored Kool-Aid (unsweetened)

1 cup sugar

1 quart cool water

2 Tablespoons bulk beef gelatin

1 - 8 oz. package cream cheese, softened

2 - 10 oz. cans mandarin oranges

6 oz. Cool Whip or real whipped cream

1 cup small curd cottage cheese

Mix package of Kool-Aid powder with 1 cup sugar and 1 quart of cold water. (Note: This is only half the amount of water called for in making Kool-Aid as a beverage.)

Take 1 cup of the Kool-Aid mixture and dissolve the gelatin into it. Let sit for five minutes.

Boil the other 3 cups of the Kool-Aid mixture, then stir it into the cold gelatin/Kool-Aid mixture until all the gelatin is completely dissolved.

Add the cream cheese to the hot gelatin mixture, stirring until the cream cheese is melted.

Chill until slightly thickened.

Drain the oranges.

Fold  Cool Whip or whipped cream, cottage cheese and drained oranges into the gelatin mixture.

Pour into 9X13" pan. Chill until set.

Serves 8-10.

Notes:

• Folks always ask , "Doesn't this taste like beef since you use beef gelatin?" No. No more than other gelatin tastes like pork. It tastes like nothing when it is plain.
• We skip the Cool Whip because I think it is yucky, and I want to save our real cream for whipped cream on the pumpkin pie! This recipe turns out equally well with or without the Cool Whip.
• Yes, it does have artificial colors, white sugar and pasteurized dairy, but for special occasions we break most of the rules. I certainly would not recommend making a habit of this recipe. But it is yummy, and it reminds us of Grandma!
• If you want to convert other gelatin recipes, the ratio to use is 1/4 oz. of gelatin will congeal 2 cups of liquid. I weighed this out, and found the 1/4 oz. to equal about two teaspoons. So, for normal gelatin recipes, 1 teaspoon of gelatin will congeal one cup of liquid. 
• It is also pretty poured into a bundt pan or gelatin mold to make a special presentation.

One more thing: I don't care about eating "kosher". Whether some rabbi declared something to be acceptable or not, matters little to me. I do care very much, however, that I am obeying my Father and staying within the confines of that which Yahweh has called food.

That is why I avoid the pork gelatin. Kosher-Schmosher.
Enjoy! And Happy Thanksgiving!

Sweet Home Jerusalem

This will not appeal to everyone, but then again, neither do I, so it works to post it here. As a Southern girl, and one who prays for the peace of Jerusalem, this really hit the spot. Who knew a Skynyrd tune could be redeemed in such a cool way? I like it. HT: Lillian

Lyrics (to the tune of Sweet Home Alabama):

Eagles wings keep on flyin'
Carry me home to see The King
Singing songs about my City,
Jerusalem you're in my dreams
And I'm gonna sing, yes. (RIFF)

Well I heard the UN talk about her
But a Jewish boy won't drink this brew
Uncle Sam please remember, that
"Jerusalem won't be split in two!"

Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
L-rd I'm coming home to you.

We're all waiting for Mashiach (OOH OOH OOH)
You can bet he's coming soon
We'll all be dancing in Jerusalem
And we'll all be singing the same tune
Now that's the truth

Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
L-rd I'm coming home to you.

(SOLOS)


The wise men of the Holy City
They've been known to pick a song or two
They help my soul when I'm hurting
They give me joy when I'm feeling blue
Now how about you?

Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
L-rd I'm coming home to you.

Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home, Sweet Jerusalem
L-rd I'm coming home to you.

A Prayer For Israel

 

 

This version of Psalm 83 brought me to tears.

 

 

 

A Childbirth Prayer

As I was thinking over what I wanted to share about the twins' birth story, I realized that I wanted to back up a bit and share this prayer that a close girlfriend gave me a few days before the girls were born. This prayer plays a part in the story, and I didn't want the birth story post to be too long.

My girlfriend found this through what the world would consider a lucky chance encounter, but I believe she was led to it by our Father. I'll always appreciate her scribbling it down on a borrowed scrap of paper and remembering to pass it to me. Thanks Lillian.

On the Approach of Childbirth

Before she labored, she was delivered;
Before her pangs came, she bare a son!
Isaiah 66:7

Fear not, worm of Jacob,
O people of Israel,
For I will help you.
Isaiah 41:14

The hard, painful hour of delivery draws near,
And in the midst of the pains and fears
That course through me
This fervent prayer rises from the depths of my soul--
May it ascend to you, Eternal Parent!
With every pain, with every pang that seizes me,
My words die on my lips.

Only your name, Yahweh, remains alive on them
They utter this cry alone: Yahweh, my Elohim!
You who are my shield and my protector,
My comfort and my rescue,
The one who dampens my fears and my fright,
The one who embraces me in hope,
The one who is my strength--
Oh, as I raise my tearful eyes up to you, Parent of All,
May it draw your compassion down to me.

Let your mercy shelter me,
So these birth pangs do not overtake me,
So I am able to bear them with courage and strength.
Oh, that your parental grace
Might guide me safely and securely
Across this awesome threshold.
All-Compassionate One, shorten my suffering.
Let me soon achieve the joyous goal of this labor--
Let me soon enjoy a healthy, strong baby.
Yahweh, do not now recall
All my sins and missteps in life!
Forgive me and pardon me now
For all my failings before you.

In your compassion and mercy, may it be your will
That I give life to a precious new being.
Preserve my life, and be with me,
For all my hope and trust rests in you. Amen.

My Wedding Day Ride

The whole affair was a pretty haphazard business. At my tender age, experience was dreadfully lacking. In a months' time I had graduated from high school, turned 18, bought a house and was about to be married. Still in the blush of my youth (batting eyelashes here), I had only witnessed one wedding ever. Ever. And it was only a month before my own. Not much help.

So much of it was patched-up and thrown together at the last minute that any original plans were long forgotten. The night before the wedding, when asked, "Where are the programs?", my answer of, "What are programs?" should have been a sign that all was not well in the planning department. After breaking into the church past midnight to create and print the programs (we had permission, but no keys), the next morning was nothing less than zany. All those visions of a leisurely breakfast saying goodbye to the family were not to be. Instead, folks were rushing hither and yon and the phone was ringing off the hook. When it was my turn to take a shower, things were just settling down a bit.

Stepping out of the shower, it was eerily quiet in the house as I realized I was the only one there. It seemed that everyone assumed that someone else was taking the bride to the church. Mr. Visionary had my car, and there were no other cars home. No one was answering the church phone, and those were the days before everyone five years old and over had their own cell phones. After a half hour of frantic and futile phone calls to find someone (anyone) to drive me to the church, I finally gave up. My best laid plans were long since wrecked, and my last minute I'll-Think-Myself-Out-Of-This-Bind efforts failed as well. I was down to, "Father, if you want me to be married today, you'll need to send me a ride," which is really where I should have started.

Mr. Visionary reminded me of this story this afternoon, as I was nervously trying to think myself out of another bind. My desire for a home birth this pregnancy was overruled by nature of it being twins. No midwife would attend a twin birth at our home, forty minutes from the closest hospital, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with it, either. However, a hospital birth requires planning in the area of childcare and transportation for the laboring woman (namely Me). Therein lies the rub.

Mr. Visionary works a minimum of an hour away from home four days a week. My midwife and OB have both instructed me not to mess around, and to expect a quick labor. My labors aren't terribly long anyway (usually six hours or way less), and twin labors are known for being much shorter than "normal". If I should labor while Mr. Visionary is at work, I will need someone to take me to the hospital and someone else to stay with the children. Both of these somebodies will need to be fairly close to where I live, which is a huge obstacle in itself- I don't have many friends that live close.

My worrier nature wants to remember that my labor with the Dreamer was just over two hours, that I am already dilated several centimeters, that my first childcare plan will not be available because of her having a boatload of company coming in this week, and that I cannot drive while in labor. That is just the beginning of my list. I can think of plenty more while laying awake timing contractions.

Back to the wedding day story. When I finally gave back to Yahweh the burden of deciding how it would all work out, it did. The phone rang, and some friends from out of town were calling to see if there was anything they could do. They picked me up, and the show went on... on time even.

Mr. Visionary reminds me that the same will happen in this situation -Yahweh will provide... and that it too, will be right on time.

Encouraging News

There are many factors to which I could attribute the good news: a healthy diet, plenty of rest, good hydration, those wonderful homemade vitamins, the blessing of midwifery care, or a host of other miscellaneous factors. My heart tells me, however that there is only one factor in the end. Yahweh has been merciful to me, and His grace is abundant.

Yesterday's ultrasound showed that our babies are 5lb 3oz, and 6lb 6 oz at 34.5 weeks. Do the math if you would like, or take my word that it is a lot of baby to be carrying around. At this stage, they usually put on about a half pound per week each, but I'm trying not to think of all that. Add in the extra two pounds for two placentas, and I don't wonder at my being so tired... or my walking like a duck... a barefooted duck on sharp gravel, even.

I am weary of waiting, but eager to have these babies "cook" as long as possible. When I am exhausted, and wanting labor to begin (but feeling guilty because it is too soon), the only comfort I have is knowing with a certainty that Yahweh is in control. I was reminded of this anew last night, as my sister in law was rushed to the hospital for an emergency c-section because of toxemia. He declared the end from the beginning, and He himself knit these little ones together in my womb.

The timing is all His. I was sure last night that I would have accidentally started labor because of stress, but it was not to be. You see, as I was resting, and looking out the window, a full sized black bear just walked by my window. While my boys were outside playing in the yard. I ran to the door, screamed for the boys, then almost fainted when they walked casually in mentioning that the bear was only 12 feet from them.

I don't have a lot of experience with bears (read that NONE), and never thought I'd need it where we live (we are not that rural, you know). But, as a shameless plug for homeschooling, my kids educated me after the fact that black bears aren't dangerous if you just stay out of their way. They found this out on their own just from reading all the field guides we have laying around. If they were in "school" all day, they never would have had time to educate themselves or their Mom on this important matter.

So, let the record show that I can now scratch off of the list black bears walking through the front yard as a possible means of starting labor. Now we know.

I'll keep you posted on any new developments... or anything else we can scratch off said list.

My sister in law & Me comparing belly sizes. She was 36 weeks here, and I was 32 weeks.

Bill & Tracy, Congratulations on a beautiful baby girl! You done good, Momma!

The Plot Thickens…

I hate to read them at night. I never get a pinch of sleep. Those books with so many twists and turns in the plot that draw you deeper and still deeper into the complex lives of the characters make me edgy. When will their lives settle down into a logical pattern? When can I stop holding my breath as I await the next page? Most importantly, how... oh HOW will I ever keep up with all the author-invented storyline contortions that seem to have no other purpose than to keep my mind busy trying to figure out where this is all going? It can be dizzying.

There is an Author I know whose story lines I deliberately attempt to not try to decipher. I can never guess accurately, and I often waste much time and emotional energy in the figuring. I am not always successful in keeping my mind from "going there" , but I make it a point to get back on the wagon as soon as I am caught in the act of wondering worrying trying to figure Him out. His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways higher than my ways. No question. Just because it is a given doesn't mean I don't forget...

Early in this pregnancy, I wondered aloud about why I was experiencing such a drastic increase in the degree of morning-noon-and-night sickness compared to previous pregnancies. I was out of commission, and it was humbling. I was sure it was Father's way of showing me how much I needed to depend on Him... Every. Moment. Of. Every. Day.

When at fourteen weeks I began having contractions, severe edema and anemia more pronounced than usual, I sensed the need to revamp our daily schedule to accommodate my needing to prop up my feet in the afternoons. I began making dinner after breakfast each day, resting with my preschooler in the afternoons, and going to bed earlier. I've seen this plot line before. YHWH is a God of order, and this was surely the message I was supposed to be getting through my circumstances.

When my fatigue level never lessened as I strolled out of the first trimester, I made myself a homemade prenatal supplement, a daily chart as a checklist of all the nutritional bases I needed to cover in a day, and bribed encouraged the children to help me make sure I was getting in enough fluids. "Hey, you guys... we get a quarter every time we bring Mom her drink and get her to drink some!" Without a doubt, being purposeful was the name of the game and the lesson. I could read the hand writing on the wall.

When my belly was outgrowing the clothes that normally fit during this season of pregnancy, I dutifully got out my sewing machine and made a few things that would last longer. I began praying for an increase of the fruit of the Spirit to be manifest in my life, because the idea that self control was lacking in my diet occurred to me to be the lesson I was supposed to learn from this particular plot curve ball. This plot deciphering was getting easier and more predictable as I went along.

Sometimes when reading an author's story, I can jump ahead of them and guess what is coming next. It is a bit of a game to see if I am right. I had this whole thing figured out, I was sure. YHWH was trying to use all these object lessons to teach me and to mold my character in to the woman He desired me to be. Although all these object lessons could be accurate and could technically be a partial reason for each of the symptoms I experienced, let the record show that YHWH is not to be put into a box.

Here is what I found out in this season:

Because YHWH is unchanging does not mean that He is predictable...

and

I am expecting twins.

You Should Have Thought About That Before…

There is an unwritten rule that mothers of large families know. The ones who do not know this rule, figure it out on their own pretty quickly, as there are no shortages of situations in which it will need to be applied. Any stranger in the grocery store, most relatives, casual acquaintances, pastors, and even close friends can be the tutors to introduce a Mom to this rule. How helpful.

The rule states that a mother of many children, in any case where any circumstances related to bearing or raising children are less than the picture of textbook perfection and bliss, must remain silent. Such a mother may never utter so much as a syllable indicating the less-than-Utopian condition of her health, her family dynamics or her discipline struggles in auditory range of another individual save her husband. A sigh from such a mother is also universally understood to be an invitation for others to dispense prescriptions of ancient wisdom gleaned from years of watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. Said advice typically begins with the same sage statement.

"You should have thought about that before you ______."

The blank is left open for the advisor to customize the counsel to the specific situation in which the unsuspecting mother has left herself vulnerable. Before you got pregnant, before you had so many children, before you decided to homeschool, etc., are all the usual fillers of the blank. Although the assumption is that one could not have made such decisions with forethought, it does not appear that the advisors know how self-righteous and condescending these assumptions are.

Could it possibly be that I have somehow come through thirty-five years of worldly American culture (to include thirteen years in public school) unscathed unaware that there are ways to avoid pregnancy (i.e. "fix" what is not broken)? Unlikely. Is it possible that I could be unaware that there is a quick fix to any "accidental" pregnancy? With the world shrieking so fiercely about each persons' choices, and even the Church for the most part, accepting such an abomination, I would be hard pressed to miss it. To assume that either my choices are uneducated or my practices accidental is illogical. It couldn't happen in this culture. Not today.

I cannot speak for everyone who has a large family, but ours... I know. Let the record show that I did think about it before I did it. I counted the cost of pregnancy, labor, birth, breastfeeding, homeschooling, raising these blessings of ours, and every detail involved. What I found is that it is hard. It involves excruciating pain... backbreaking, toilsome labor day in and day out, often giving what I did not know I had to more people than I knew I could love.

Our culture is so selfish that it often surprises us to know that people still decide, even today, that just because something is hard does not mean it isn't worth doing. Let's not assume too much. The mothers of many children that I know are making this decision over and over again, even in the face of persecution from the ones who should be supportive. Most of us have to suffer in silence. Alone. It adds to the difficulty, but by YHWH's grace, it cannot detract from the joy.

The textbooks couldn't do that justice anyway.

That Basket, Jambalaya, And Hope

There's a crack in the bottom these days, so fear compels me to write quickly. In a blink the crack will grow into the irreparable breech that will sentence it to the rubbish for good. If I do not tell you this now, my Kathy-Girl, my chance will be gone as the basket will no longer be here to remind me. Experience tells me that my motivation to share this with you again will fade without this constant visual aid. I hurry before it is gone.

For ten full years, its service has lightened my loads and its memories have lightened my countenance. The day I first laid eyes upon it is forever etched in my memory. It had been a hard winter. I had given birth to my third child in the Fall, the third in twenty-seven months... without insurance. We made thirteen thousand dollars that year. To say that we were struggling to put food on the table would understate the situation. Lots of folks commented about how thin I was, not knowing that it was because we were hungry.

Feverish with mastitis, it was all I could do to take care of my two toddlers and the baby with an ear infection. It had been weeks since we had any money for groceries, and years since we could afford meat. There was no food in the house, no car available, and we were all too sick to go out anyway. I was desperate for help, for someone to care, or even just someone to know. No one did. We were new enough at the church that no one knew what our life was like, how lonely we were, or how poor. All we knew is that it felt like no one cared. I remember my first time ever trying what Mr. Visionary calls "pulling a Hudson Taylor". There was no one to tell anyway, so I simply prayed, begging Father to show me that He cared, that He could really hear me.

I opened the door to find you, loaded basket in hand, smiling and saying that you happened to be in the area, but I knew full well that folks from your side of town didn't visit our drug-infested neighborhood without a good reason. As you unloaded Cheerios and milk, lasagna and jambalaya, fruit and cheese... manna... I was beginning to realize that you didn't just come, you were sent. "You can keep the basket if you want. My laundry room is upstairs now, and I don't need it!" Every. Little. Detail. I could not believe He told you about that, too. I had been toting diapers to the line in soggy cardboard boxes for months. A new laundry basket was low on the priority list, but still desired.

How I held it together long enough for your quick visit, I will never understand. After you left, and the reality and the Cheerios settled, I experienced a hope that I had not in many years. Life was hard, but my Father was good. I knew it for sure now. He heard me. I know He did because I told no one else.

And I know you heard Him, too.

I have remembered that day innumerable times in the last ten years. Every time I was encouraged. Every time I longed for the day I could be the one with the basket. Every time I thanked my Father for you.

...And for the hope you delivered in an overflowing basket.

Somewhere In The Middle

In the comments a few days ago, someone made a statement that has been bothering me ever since. Since "Things-I-think-about-when-I-can't-sleep" is always good fodder for blog posts, and because I just don't feel comfortable letting the statement just dangle out there unanswered, I will now attempt a justification response.

When Melanie said, "I am not sure how you do what you do", I had several reactions. My first was to be frustrated that I may have, by only giving snapshots into our life (a drawback inherent to blogging), led folks to believe a storybook account of our life. The second was to think, I know exactly how you feel.

The Momma in me has to warn you explicitly about assuming too much. Don't read too much between-the-lines about the lives of anyone...especially online. I can't write about everything, and even if I could, I wouldn't air our dirty laundry in so public a forum. Case in point, allow me to ask some questions. Is my laundry caught up? Do I yell at my kids? Is my husband happy and well cared for? How does my garden grow? And most importantly...is it well with my soul?

Truth is, you can't know from just reading blog posts. I have several dear friends with whom my relationship is conducted primarily via computer. Even with extensive e-mail and phone conversations ~ even they ~ can't truly know about our life. The view from a blog is comprised of no more than multiple peeks through a fence's knotholes, and it is not a reputable source from which one may draw a complete picture. All of that is to say, I am not doing all that much. Especially now.

I am currently prostrate on the family room couch. My head is pounding, my mouth is constantly watering with oh-please-can't-I-just-throw-up anticipation, and I can only type a couple of lines at a time before I have to stop to let the dizziness subside. Meanwhile, my family is fending for themselves. My eleven year-old daughter made dinner alone, while helping me entertain the Littles. For the past several weeks, I have only been able to be up and about for (at most) an hour at a time before I feel so sick I need to lie down. This is not the stuff of Super Woman, whoever she is.

I have however, made the same statement ("I don't know how you do all you do") to many women over the years and thought it about still more. Anyone with more children than myself, at whatever number of children I currently had, I automatically assumed was handling all things well, with abundant grace and tea parties, as well. I just knew that their sinks, laundry hampers, and trash cans were empty before bedtime each night, their meals were well-balanced, colorful and healthy, their husbands were enraptured at all times, their children rose up each day and called them blessed, and since they had regular devotional times, YHWH loved them more than me. I knew it. I have been a Mom-To-A-Few, and looked up to the Mommas-Of-Many. I am now somewhere in the middle...a Momma-Of-Many, sandwiched between the  folks looking to me, while I look to the Mommas-Of-Nations. The truth, which I eventually discovered somewhere along the way, was that I couldn't assume too much...although I still haven't learned to walk in this truth at all times.

As I lay here now, I am less than 36 hours away from being the hostess of a family of thirteen. While Mr. Visionary would say that my house could - possibly - use a little "picking up", my inability to see in shades of grey tells me that it is a wreck. I will need to prepare three meals a day for 22 people for at least three days. I have a minuscule amount prepared, and no great ideas for the rest. And yet, here I lay, unable to function any better at present.

The Momma who will visit is soft spoken, loving, patient, kind, beautiful and has been pregnant many times. This is not the sort of woman in front of whom I want to appear to be a sissy. And yet, even with all the self control I can muster, I am not a hero, either. Will this Super Mom of Eleven (whom I greatly admire) understand? Has she ever been laid up with morning sickness? Surely she was always prepared when company was coming, and surely her house was always orderly. Surely. I know this because I have seen knothole versions of her life. And if the knotholes look like that, I can fill in the rest for myself.

Or can I?

Increasing The Flock

Our first plan was developed in order to help protect the mental health of those close to us, who, without the benefit of a biblical worldview would not handle such wonderful news well. It was also protection for myself in particular, for, fending off the 6.4 billion questions that would ensue following such an announcement, would not be the easiest task, especially in my condition.

However, we are realizing that it does not actually fall within our realm of responsibility to protect full grown adults from their own faulty logic or misplaced priorities, hence, we have relegated Plan One to File Thirteen. Plan Two involves repeating ad nauseum (should the need arise) the profound statement, "I don't know... we'll see."

All of this is to say that we are keeping the good news under our collective hats no longer, and we are thrilled to announce that YHWH as seen fit to bless us with another child. When the children were appraised of the development, the boys literally jumped up and down screaming in delight, and the girls beamed and glowed happily. Doodle wanted to know if the baby could sleep with her, and the boys demanded that it be a boy. "It's about time", they asserted.

While the family as a whole could not be more thrilled, I personally can picture myself a bit more chipper after the morning-noon-and-night sickness has abated. This too shall pass, eh?

As an aside, and to hopefully fend off the inevitable questions that will indeed come regarding our future plans and Israel, I can say this: No plans have changed. We are still in Step One, which is to sell our home and farm. Step Two will involve moving somewhere (No, we are not sure where) that we can buy a house with cash and fit it with basic solar power. Step Three will be to complete our financial preparations for moving to Israel. It is only an outline, but YHWH often doesn't reveal the specifics until just the moment when they need to be known. It works better for me that way. Then I only have to concern myself with the very next step ~ which right now would be to go take some ginger tincture to soothe this nausea.

Meanwhile, we hope you will rejoice with us! If you cannot, your silence would be greatly appreciated. (Warm smile and batting eyelashes here.)

Psalm 107:41-43

41 But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
and increased their families like flocks.

42 The upright see and rejoice,
but all the wicked shut their mouths.

43 Whoever is wise, let him heed these things
and consider the great love of YHWH.

 

Beginning A Journal

My ponderings over the last few weeks have led me to begin a journal to correspond with the beginning of the new year. After praying about exactly what type I would like, I chose this plain, hardbound book with unlined pages, and am almost giddy thinking of all the potential it and the year hold. I wanted to share with you the first entry I made in the journal, in case you, too, have been feeling led to begin one.

Being that this is my first attempt at keeping a journal, perhaps I should be nervous. Will I actually do it? Will I find this book in a cluttered box three years from now with no other writing save what lies here? Or could this be the first day that my life has a permanent record? Will these pages be the encouragement that I one day look back upon to know that my life was not spent in vain? I cannot know any of these answers now. I can only apply that tiny spark of hope to the tinder of this book and feed it with whatever there is within me of commitment and diligence to see it through.

Although this journal will house my thoughts, my feelings and my ideas…I dedicate it to the glory of YHWH alone. I pray that He will use it as a tool to help me find Julie, and in the process, know Him better. Whose I am is not in question ~ I have given my life to the One who gave it to me. Yet, there is a softly nagging question regarding who I am. I am Phil’s Bride and my children’s’ Momma to be sure, (and blessed I am to be such), but anything else seems to have somehow been lost along the way, assuming there ever was anything else. I am content with my role in life, but wonder if I can bring more of myself to it. Are there skills, abilities or inspirations lying dormant within me that, unearthed and nurtured, could bless my family and bring glory to YHWH? Have I buried my talents in the dailyness of life? These things remain to be determined.

There’s more, too. I want to remember. So much of my early years of motherhood and wifehood are lost forever…because my mind lacks any resemblance to a steel trap. How I long to go back and recapture those days when all my people were small, and soak it in ~ and remember ~ forever. In the fleeting moments of Now, I recognize that, lest it be written down somewhere, I am unable to recall all that happened last week, much less the last few years. I may not be able to recapture all that has transpired, but I can begin today, recording as-it-happens, all that is to be seen from this Momma’s knothole.

From the perspective I have, here in this linear reality called time, the year ahead is empty. YHWH is there, and knows the end from the beginning, but I have yet to walk there. I cannot tidy the mess of emotions about the coming year into a neat bundle. Some, like the fear of the unknown, are unruly, and must be coaxed into submission. Others, like the thrill of new beginnings, must be tamed so as not to outrun YHWH’s timetable. Yet, eagerness, trepidation, determination and uncertainty are carved deeply into my walking stick as I trudge forward to see what lies ahead...

Welcome, 2008. May you be filled with all that YHWH has planned.

Although I am unsure if and how I will fit journaling into life, I believe that even the thought processes and promptings that brought me to this point will not be in vain. Progress is good, when it is for His glory. So here's to blank pages, blank calendars and new beginnings!

Restoring The Early Church ~ Lesson 10

Happy Hanukkah to those who avail themselves of the blessings of observing this holiday! For those who do not, and wonder why a Gentile believer in Yeshua (Jesus) would want to celebrate this holiday, here is a great post by our friend Lisa, entitled "Why Hanukkah?". In a nutshell, the events leading up to Hanukkah were prophesied in Daniel chapter 8, and without the efforts of the Maccabees, frankly there would not have been a Messiah. Maybe that is why Yeshua himself traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate as well (my studies show this to be a three to five day journey ~ in winter).

 

In our study, this lesson is getting down to the nitty gritty details of walking out life together as the ecclesia ~ the called out ones ~ and growing in our roles as men and women of the Most High, Yahweh. This lesson, in particular reiterates the lesson that Mr. Visionary has been teaching our children about knowledge not being an end in itself, but is valuable only as it helps us grow in our obedience to Yahweh and His Word.

 

 

A HEBRAIC PERSPECTIVE

Elders, Our Father's Representatives

The Importance of Older Women

Growing Wise And Remaining Teachable

 

 

Here's the link for Lesson 10.

 

 

Yeah, It Matters

I am making this a "Page" to go on the upper right sidebar, but I also wanted to post it here, in order to make sure everyone got a chance to read it. From here on, I'll be using this name, and I wanted you all to understand why. As soon as I can, I'll go back to edit all the old posts to reflect this as well.

I never knew it did before. Sure, I had read the Ten Commandments - even taught them to my kids - but I never studied them, never really interrogated the text. I had not even so much as questioned "The" commandments concerning whether they had been interpreted accurately... whether the words of the King of the Universe had been preserved carefully enough.

Studying prophecy and comparing it to current events is a common practice in our home. We read about world events and without hesitation compare what we see to Holy Scripture - all the time. Object lessons abound, and we can get "Current Events" credit while eating dinner. We do not wait for anything major or catastrophic. Ordinary, run-of-the-mill events give us plenty of fodder for discussion, then we move on to baths, laundry and dishes ~ other ordinary, run-of-the-mill events. But when I catch myself mentally rehashing recent happenings, when I think of them in the middle of the night and I just can't seem to let an issue go... I often sense the urging of the Holy Spirit to dig deeper, check things out, and see how all these things fit together.

My family knows I hate grey. Androgyny, ambiguity, politician-speak, circular logic, ecumenicalism, fence-sitting ... I hate them all. Say what you're saying, nail it down, pick a side, take a stand...choose... please. Concerning matters of normal life, the vagueness bothers me some... but when it comes to the things of eternal importance, the generalities anger me. So when I found that Pope Benedict prayed in a Muslim mosque to "the One God", and a Dutch bishop has suggested that Christians call their god "Allah" to keep from offending Muslims, I can promise that, as we say in the South, it stuck in my craw. This seemed to me to be more than just grey, it was wrong. So I went to the Word to check it out.

It appears that I am not the only one concerned about this "It's-all-the-same-god-let's-all-call-him-the-same-name" spiel- it is all over the "Christian" blogosphere. The problem is, that the rest of us "Christians" haven't been calling Him by the proper name, either. The King James Version incorrectly "translates" the third commandment, Exodus 20:7, "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." Taking in vain (Strong's #7723) means to desolate, make useless, or ruin. We usually think we are doing well if we don't curse... we wouldn't want to ruin the word "LORD" or "God", right? The problem is, that the command is not to take his *NAME* in vain, and neither LORD nor God is his name.

In the third commandment, and in at least 5,000 other places in the Scriptures, He tells us His name. I knew that a principle in studying scripture is that, the more times something is recorded, the more importance it should have. So when I compared this figure to second half of the commandment, I was frightened into doing more study. Realizing that I had never heard His name in church was enough to make me shudder. Remembering that the KJV - the one that eliminates His name - was the most widely used translation for hundreds of years made me cringe. The church as a whole has desolated His name. Gulp.

His name, in Hebrew, the language of Scripture, translates into the four English letters YHWH, usually pronounced Yahweh. It is also the name included in these verses: (As per the original Hebrew text, His name has been added back in.)

Micah 4:5 For all people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of YHWH our God forever and ever.

Zephaniah 3:9 For then will I turn to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of YHWH, to serve him with one consent.

Isaiah 42:8 I am YHWH: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images.

Jeremiah 16:21 Therefore, behold, I will this once cause them to know, I will cause them to know mine hand and my might; and they shall know that my name is YHWH.

Zechariah 13:9 And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, YHWH is my God.

Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of YHWH, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of YHWH, shall be put to death.

Isaiah 47:4 As for our redeemer, YHWH of hosts is his name, the Holy One of Israel.

Isaiah 56:5-7 Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off. Also the sons of the stranger, that join themselves to YHWH, to serve him, and to love the name of YHWH, to be his servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and taketh hold of my covenant; Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called a house of prayer for all people.

Jeremiah 50:34 Their Redeemer is strong; YHWH of hosts is his name: he shall throughly plead their cause, that he may give rest to the land, and disquiet the inhabitants of Babylon.

Jeremiah 51:19 The portion of Jacob is not like them; for he is the former of all things: and Israel is the rod of his inheritance: YHWH of hosts is his name.

Joel 2:32 And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of YHWH shall be delivered: for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem shall be deliverance, as YHWH hath said, and in the remnant whom YHWH shall call.

Amos 4:13 For, lo, he that formeth the mountains, and createth the wind, and declareth unto man what is his thought, that maketh the morning darkness, and treadeth upon the high places of the earth, YHWH, The God of hosts, is his name.

Amos 5:8 Seek him that maketh the seven stars and Orion, and turneth the shadow of death into the morning, and maketh the day dark with night: that calleth for the waters of the sea, and poureth them out upon the face of the earth: YHWH is his name:

Amos 9:6 It is he that buildeth his stories in the heaven, and hath founded his troop in the earth; he that calleth for the waters of the sea, and poureth them out upon the face of the earth: YHWH is his name.

Because I hate ecumenicalism and feel compelled to take a stand, I use the name of YHWH with no apologies. I desire to distance myself from all those that believe we "all worship the same god" because I worship the Holy One of Israel exclusively. I believe there is no difference in calling Him 'Allah' and calling Him 'God'. 'Allah' is just the Arabic word for 'God', and worse yet, 'Allah' in Hebrew, the language of scripture, means 'curse'. I can no longer call him by a title that in His language means curse (Allah), is the name of a false god mentioned in scripture (God), or is a name that actually goes back to Baal (the LORD). I just can't. In the same way that I want Phil to call me "Julie", and not "Wife"... I want to call Him by His name. My intimacy with Him makes me desire to call upon His name. Sure, calling on His name is more than proper pronunciation... it speaks to His character... who He is. But I can't think of a better way to distinguish which god with which character than to call on the personal name He has revealed to us.

"But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him" John 4:23. I am led to believe that part (by no means all) of worshipping in truth is calling Him by His real name, not some general title, used loosey-goosey by every Tom, Dick or Harry who considers themselves (or wishes to portray themselves as) "spiritual".

All this is to say that it matters. It matters to YHWH (hence the 5,000 times it is recorded in His Word), and it matters to me (hence this post). Whether it matters to you or not, is your call.

Joshua 24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve YHWH, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve YHWH.

Please, don't take my word... do your own homework on this. Edited:  Look up the Strong's Concordance word #3068, count and consider for yourself. After thinking about it more, I really don't think the Strong's is that great of a help. If you're interested in this, I recommend searching Google - maybe search YHWH- and may He bless your search.

YHWH bless thee, and keep thee:
YHWH make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
YHWH lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
And they shall put my name upon the children of Israel; and I will bless them.

~Numbers 6:24-27

Full Disclosure

Was it the crushing of my laptop last week?

Maybe it was the first bout of sickness that hit my house?

Perhaps it was the switching of the seasonal clothes for seven children, the stocking up on homemade tinctures and salves, our speaking at another church this past week, my listing of 350 items from my house for sale, or the fact that my Grandmother is making bean soup. I list the last option as proof that if one is looking for an excuse, any one will do. You always find what you're looking for, after all.

The fact is, bean soup or not, I've been swamped, which partially explains why I haven't posted another lesson in the study. The word "partially" indicates that further explaining is in order. While I do not feel the need to explain, I do feel the desire, so permit me to make an attempt.

Mr. Visionary and I were tremendously blessed by all that we were led to study on our own through the instigation of these lessons. When we considered beginning the study, it was for one reason: we wanted others to experience blessing as well. I had mentioned the study in a post before, but realized that the length of the study would be too daunting for most folks. I have this reaction as well... when I see something very long, I automatically sigh and dismiss it, unless...

Unless it sounds like something I have been looking for.

We believed we could not be the only ones searching for a better way, searching to see Father's face more clearly, seeking to discard all that we had inherited from the world, in order to live on nothing but the Word. We felt led to begin the study for the other ones who were searching, too. We did not know who these would be, but felt sure that our Father would.

Throughout the beginning of this study, I have been overwhelmed with all that it has required of me. We were sure we were supposed to start it, but the walking it out has been more challenging than I had imagined. As I have gone through the study this second time, it has been just as profoundly affecting me as the first. I have needed time to digest and ponder... time to understand things more clearly... time to pray and know that I am hearing His voice.

The questions and e-mail that have multiplied by ten have been all that I can keep up with. My dear friend has encouraged me to begin a Yahoo group to help with further discussion (and all the questions), but that as well would be consuming, and too much for this mother of seven to manage. (I'm organized, but I'm not that organized.) I desire to help and to answer questions, but with only so much time, I struggle to determine what this would look like. Please bear with me as I figure it all out.

Also, I have been feeling pressured by my perceived need to post something profound (or at least attempt it) for each lesson. But, as Mr. Visionary reminded me, perception is not reality, and anyway, profundity doesn't always come. Sometimes I am just as much in a digestion stage as everyone else, and cannot come up with anything coherent to share. If I post the lessons alone, I hope to be able to free up more time to enter into the discussion with everyone else. All of this is to say that I will be just posting the lessons from here on out, and sharing my own experience through the comments.

Whew... I feel relieved already!

Keeping Short Accounts

It really is freeing. Getting rid of all our superfluous stuff makes the days run smoother and creates a peace in me that is addictive. After a season of thorough decluttering, I want to always live like this! Without the follow-up step to decluttering ~ that of keeping the stuff out ~ I will surely not.

Our season of Teshuva is drawing to a close, after much soul-searching and house-cleaning of a different sort. We have, as a family, spent much time clearing the air, cleaning spiritual and relational slates through repentance. Those longstanding, nagging little things that haunt our spirits, weigh us down and beg to be brought into the light have been our focus - those 'little sins', never confessed, that hinder our joy in the Lord. Time alone does not make all things new again. Through writing letters, making phone calls, and having long heart-to-heart talks, we have sought and extended forgiveness, and, in the process, found restoration. The decluttering is done.

The question that arises now, is how to keep the decluttering done. We have made extensive new policies in our home to keep physical clutter from coming back in, but how do we keep spiritual and relational clutter from finding it's way back? Life happens...sinners collide, and offenses are a natural result. This forty day season of repentance has been rich for us, and, after this, our first year of observing it, we are unanimous in our desire to do it again. It was profitable for us to spend forty days focusing on getting right with our Father and our fellow man. However, I personally do not wish to have thirty-plus years of baggage to have to clear out again. My desire is to put a stake in the ground...right here...right now...and resolve to keep things current.

The answer for me comes in keeping short accounts.

There were several things that I had to make right that were small issues ~ things that I did not feel quite right about at the moment of occurrence, but had allowed to 'slide' instead of confessing and asking forgiveness immediately. Contemplating the wasted energy I spent thinking about these minor offenses over the years makes me ill. I have heard it said that the Holy Spirit will speak to you in a whisper, or, if you ignore Him, will eventually throw a brick at you. That you have a choice...obey the whisper or wait for the brick. I haven't meditated much on the theological aspect of that , or whether it is accurate, but it certainly is motivating. Looking back, I am painfully aware that I should have heeded the whisper.

Keeping short accounts is all about heeding the whisper. When the Holy Spirit convicts me of sin, my place is to immediately confess and repent. Whether I am angry, lazy, prideful or selfish, I need to confess the instant I am aware of the sin ~ the instant the Holy Spirit whispers. I have to force myself to drop everything ~ right that minute ~ and ask forgiveness. It is the best method I have ever used for my part in putting my own sin to death. It is also the most humbling, which I suspect is the reason it works so well.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives" 1John 1:8-10.

Just as surely as we cannot cleanse ourselves, Yeshua can. So the order of the day, today, as every day, is a walk of obedient trust...heeding His voice, obeying His commands, and trusting in His cleansing.

Because it is so good to be clean.

I’m Listening

Mr. Visionary and I talk a lot. He was born to explain, exhort and encourage. It is a gift. I was born to question, condemn and complain. It is not a gift, per se, it is...ummm...an inherited trait. In any case, we talk a lot, with myself usually asking questions, and he usually teaching. He is so natural in his teaching, that I often find myself having gleaned some deep truth from what he had considered to be casual conversation. This is where I am finding myself now.

We have a cozy loveseat in a sun-filled bay window in our room, and spend as much time there as life will allow, reading or chatting with each other, talking with the children, or doing our bible study together. When we aren't talking there, we do so at the kitchen table, or I stand in the bathroom doorway as he is getting ready for the day. In one of those casual chatting times this week, he was mentioning to me something he had recently shared with some young men. He was 'just talking', but I was listening. How many times the Holy Spirit speaks to me in apparently offhand ways! As is frequently the case, the second-hand advice I received from Mr. Visionary's conversation was a message to me from my Father.

Mr. Visionary mentioned that the fruit of the Spirit called self-control begets self-control and that the opposite is equally true. When we pride ourselves on being thin while lacking self-control in other areas, we are deceived. He shared how he at one time didn't feel a need to be self-controlled in the area of food because he wasn't overweight, but that Father showed him that it mattered. A lack of control in one area will migrate to another, he said.

Ouch.

That would certainly explain why a dark chocolate inclination addiction obsession and a tendency to be too angry too quickly are the sin issues with which I contend the most (or at least should contend the most). They are first cousins, related on the self-control side. Not my idea of a fun family reunion, I assure you.

So, I am listening...to my Father and Mr. Visionary, because the former often uses the latter to teach me.

And I have a lot to learn.

Demolishing Strongholds

Have you ever had one of those moments, spiritually, when you realize that a corner has been turned, that you have reached a place of 'no going back'? Conversely, have you ever felt that you were banging your head against a wall, so caught in the same cycle of sin that you just can't get past? I have never experienced another situation as freeing and exciting as the former or as crushing and debilitating as the latter. This past Winter, after praying for a breakthrough in certain patterns of my same sinful reactions, and crying out for deliverance from what I thought was myself, the Father answered in (as usual) an unexpected way. I found later that Mr. Visionary had been doing his own business with Father, and was looking for the same answers I had been.

Remember the New Year's flu at our house? (If you were here, you would never be able to forget it. *grin*) During that season, Father was doing a deep work in our family. As Mr. Visionary laid together on the floor in the family room, we couldn't move, but we could listen to audio files from the computer. Would we have found this if we were not laid out with illness? I cannot say. But I know this ~ that Father used this time to minister much to us. I can only say that the teaching we found (an the application thereof) was nothing less than life changing (and I truly do not use that term frivolously). If you have ever been frustrated with your own sin, or been in a place where someone you love is frustrated with your sin (especially if you just do not "see" the sin of it), trust me when I tell you that you would be blessed by this teaching. This is not a teaching that will beat you up and rub sin in your face and sentences you to a life of navel-gazing (I have had enough of that, thank-you-very-much), but it actually gives you tools ~ practical help ~ to combat it. Never have Mr. Visionary and I been so much on the same page as we have since completing this study. Never.

Mike and Sue Dowgiewicz, the teachers we found, are a couple who each have the gift of teaching. They live by donations alone, and do not charge for any of their material ~ you can't use that as an excuse. :) (I do not know this family personally, and have no vested interest in their receiving finances or attention in any way. ) We originally found them as we were searching for information about church structure, as our church is in the middle of restructuring now. Their teaching called Restoring The Early Church is rich, and also changed our personal life (it has more than just church structure), but the one that I want you to start with is called Demolishing Strongholds.

Demolishing Strongholds ~ on video files ~ this is best tried only if you have high-speed internet access

Demolishing Strongholds ~ audio files ~ Click on MP3 Audio Files to just listen to them online, or to save, and listen from your own computer files

Demolishing Strongholds ~ PDF file workbook ~ with word-for-word teaching from the video and audio files. (You will need to print some of pages 36-65 from this anyway, even if you just watch or listen. I know it is a lot to print, but it is worth it. You could also just buy the workbook from them for $7.)

Whatever you do, don't just read this and walk away! How do you know that your reading this post is not a divine appointment, that this is exactly the thing Father has for you? You cannot say for sure, so pray, and be led by His Spirit. Husbands (because I know many wives grab their husbands and say, "You have to read this", sometimes. I'm that woman, too), if your wife is asking you about doing this, please humor her. Even if reading or doing something spiritual with your wife is a foreign idea to you, please consider going through this teaching together. Mr. Visionary respects Mike Dowgiewicz tremendously, and highly recommends his teaching. We truly believe you would respect him as well.

Now, a large disclaimer: I do not ever, ever want you to take some teacher's word for something. Always be a Berean ~ always do your homework! Always take Scripture in the context of the whole Bible ~ verses yanked out of their normal context are always wrong. Get out your Bible, a notebook, and study this teaching. Scrutinize it under the light of HIS WORD, not man's teaching, not emotions, etc. Check out what they say, don't just believe what they say. Own what you believe ~ don't just believe what you're told. We each will stand alone before the Father, with no man-made doctrines to stand on.

I would be interested in chatting with anyone who goes through this teaching and actually finishes it. Let me know, OK?