So What Do You Do When You’re Living In Limbo?

Our current listing agreement for selling our house ends today. It has now been two years since we first put our home on the market and, like most things in life, I could not have foreseen it taking this long. (For those who are new here, we are selling our home to get out of debt, then to pursue a ministry opportunity in Israel.) It is a weird place of limbo we are in - trying to purge and downsize to be ready for a move, but still having to function in the life we are in now. I have regretted several things that have succumbed to our purging while other things bought for our new life are collecting dust. My home does not even look homey to me, as I have gotten rid of anything extra that I could, and it looks lonely and bare.

Our tax assessment lost $40K in this last year, tempting us to freak out because we will only purchase with cash from here on out. Assuming the selling price is affected, that $40K just cost us greatly. I said tempted because we have not freaked out yet, but you cannot trust that ol' flesh, you know. It simply means that we will end up living in the bus longer than planned and likely be able to afford only an earth bag house when all is said and done. Mr. Visionary and the children are thrilled about this option and go around calling us the Dirt Bag Family. Me? I flip-flop between terror and adventurous enthusiasm about living in the bus with eleven of us and I still cannot figure out how the earth bag house won't be full of mildew. (I don't get how wool diaper covers work, either, but I love them, so we'll see.)

Our future plans seem very far away and I spend a lot of time asking Father about what we should be doing now. It appears to be a season for preparation in some way, but in what way? We have the last of our cows sold or in the freezer, the goats and chickens have been gone for some time now and I cut off the electricity at the barn. Lots of closure.

Our home fellowship has all but disbanded, so we have our Shabbats free to spend praying and studying as a family, which is good and bad. The busyness of hosting the group kept us from having time to think about our future too much, but our newly quiet Shabbats have stirred the questions awake again.

Do we list the house again, or wait until Spring? Is YHWH limited to the "good season for selling"? Do we make it For Sale By Owner, or find another realtor? Our old realtor marketed it as a gentleman's estate, but we think it should be marketed as a home for a large family. (How else do you show a house with eleven people living in it?)

What do we do, Father?

How many, many times we have repented and grieved over ever getting a mortgage! We truly are in bondage - not free to go where He calls when He calls.  He will redeem even this situation to grow us and to bring glory to Himself, for sure...but the regret is painful. Praise YHWH that His mercies are new every morning.

I'm just sayin'...I don't have any answers for what to do while living in limbo, except to continue to seek His face and thank Him for this season. The While I'm Waiting song from Fireproof has been on our lips during this season, but even that is a partial answer. "I will worship while I'm waiting, I will serve You while I'm waiting"...can still be personalized into specific answers to specific questions, but I suspect that the answers to what we should do during this season will only be apparent after the season is over and we're looking back. Hindsight, you know.

So She Comes Back…

I never intended to stop blogging. I just never could seem to get back to it. Life kept going. Little People needed loving, Big People needed it too, and there were always mouths to feed, faces to wash, chores to do...the details of life to see to. The thing about blogging, is that thankfully, the blog does not holler if you forget to feed it. The new fish in our house does not, either, which is why I suspect his days are numbered.

I actually never did stop blogging totally. I just never wrote it down. I often blog in my head as I go through the days. I silently mull over what things I would say to no one in particular if there were ever an arena to articulate them.  Most of the time what I would say is just complaining anyway, so I skip the leaving evidence writing it down part on purpose. I also  struggled with the question of audience in blogging. Who exactly is reading this and who exactly am I writing this for? The less I know about who is reading, the better off I imagine myself to be, that way I am not worrying who I will offend or what So-And-So will think of what I write. Regarding who it is for...well, while I would like to say very assuredly that I am writing this for 'the Lord', I suspect that it is really just for me. I usually feel better after writing things down, and for now, I am OK with that being the only reason.

A few months ago, after I was once again lamenting that I can never get everything done, a friend lectured exhorted me that there is always ample time in the day to everything 'that the Lord really wants (me) to do'. Ever eager (unfortunately) to latch on to a dose of condemnation and guilt, I saw this advice and raised it a bit. My self-imposed rules for what needed to be done before I could ____ (blog, paint my toenails, sit still and quiet for five minutes, etc.) never left any room for anything fun whatsoever. After finally (why did I not think of this sooner?) consulting Mr. Visionary about the question of blogging, we discussed how the To-Do List never ends and that my work could conceivably never be done. His advice? Blog anyway.

The truth is, there really are a few folks whom I really do like to have read here. Our schedule is so hectic, and I see Mr. Visionary so little four days out of the week, that I really like it when he catches up on my blog sometimes and then wants to discuss something I wrote. A post Holly put up a few days ago reminded me of the other audience I especially love - my children. I thought about how wonderful it will be for her children to look back at that video (and that post). The things you want to say do not always get said in the hustle and bustle of normal days in a large family. I want my children to be able to look at this (online now, but on paper years from now) and see what my thoughts were toward them. I suspect that there are parts of our life now -especially my thoughts toward them- that they just will not fully understand until they are Mommas and Daddies themselves.

So, without further long, drawn-out explanation, I'm back. I hope to be able to pop in more often now. And I'll be sure to give you an update on the family, the happenings, and  all the luscious baby chub around here!

It is perfectly alright to say, "Well I was wondering where you were!" And if you're reading this on Bloglines, I updated the sidebar finally - come see.

Politeness Revisited & Catching Up

Just when I thought I was doing fine with not feeling obligated to blog, I learned a reason why I should - at least every once in a while - check in with some manner of post. My Mom and Sisters-In-Law have convinced me that it just is not proper that I leave them hanging to wonder if I have either died or moved to Israel without saying goodbye. Alas, a post as proof that at least the first of their worst case scenarios is unfounded.

I will catch you up in random order:

~Currently at 29 weeks and counting, I have been put on modified bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. For every two hours of my being up and about, I have to be horizontal for two hours. My being old and experienced at this whole birthing thing has led to some factors that can make carrying twins to term a bit more challenging. Add in a houseful of lively offspring, 100 degree days with 70% humidity, and farm animals with minds of their own, and the words change from challenging to We-could-use-a-miracle-here. My midwife and her OB have given me two goals. The first is to make it to 32 weeks, which, among other things, would eliminate my need to go to the university hospital over an hour away to birth. The second goal is to make it to 37 weeks, at which point the babies would be considered 'term'. Per the midwife, "Between 32 and 37 weeks, we will be grateful for every week we get."

~Mr. Visionary and I have been wrestling. Our first listing on our house has expired, and as much as we feel led to sell this home to remove the last hindrance to our being out of debt, it seems insane to think of trying to show our house - much less pack and move - with circumstances such as they are. We are contemplating pushing pause on this ride.

~I have gotten all the herbal medicine I could reasonably assume we might need for the next year completely made. (Cough drops, tinctures, tea mixtures, and a supply of bulk herbs for poultices and miscellaneous things that come up.) Now all of my main ingredient herbs are tinctured in large enough quantities to last for a while. I keep all my tinctures made as single-herb tinctures so that whenever I need a special formula for a certain strain of illness, I can custom mix it in smaller quantities. The most important to me is the afterpains tincture, since I can't take any pain meds after the birth, and Motrin only goes so far. I also got a ton of herbal salves that we use often made up. (If you haven't yet bought TN Farmgirl's Medicinal Herb Course, you may want to. That is where I learned to make all this groovy stuff!)

~ I got 99% of the fall/winter clothes purchased for the children, because I don't expect to be doing much shopping when the twins are small. The Spring stuff may need to be prayed in, depending on how well I adjust to having the twins here.

~ I have just about given up on making any more freezer meals. I just can't manage any more bulk cooking. I am still trying to double up here and there to put away at least one meal at a time. I am using my "up time" on the weekends to get meals made for the week while Mr. Visionary is here to run interference (read: keep the boys out of the kitchen).

~ Except for midwife appointments, I have canceled any trips to town for say, the next six months. Even before the bed rest issue came up I had announced to Mr. Visionary that I was done with trips to town. When you shop as infrequently as we do, the shopping days are looong, so as to make the trip more efficient, but it makes for a long day for the pregnant lady. Even if I got through a shopping day intact, I felt like I had been hit by a truck for the next two days and needed long naps just to get through. It just isn't worth it. Mr. Visionary and the children do an awesome job with the grocery list all by themselves. Yes, he does take all seven children shopping for a month's worth of groceries at a time - and they even remember stuff I forgot to add to the list.

~ I have a confession. Rather than being frustrated by having to rest so much, I am finding myself ever-so-glad when it is time to go down again. I had no idea I would be so tired. Every once in a while I feel compelled to stay up longer to finish "this last little thing", but the children are too well trained. They know all they have to do is call Dad and he will fuss at me to go lay down. Really, when I think of how vulnerable these tiny ones are, it makes it easy to do the right thing. My spirit is being quieted and humbled in ways I could not have imagined. It is all good.

I'll try to be more diligent about getting the laptop out during my "down time" and keeping you updated proving that I am still alive. Thanks for the lecture encouragement, Mom! I love you!

Preliminary Steps

One thing we have been walking through as we work toward our goals, is the idea that nothing happens overnight. For every plan, there are preliminary steps that have to happen to make the end turn out properly. The bigger the plan, the more prerequisite steps.

In order to go to Israel, we have to first sell our farm and home. In order to move away from our farm and home, there are many steps that have to be done first as well. The less we leave for the last minute, say, after a contract is signed, the smoother things should go. At least this has been our thinking.

One large question that had to be determined is where exactly we would live after selling our home. It is a question that is yet to be answered. Since we have to live *somewhere*, we planned to buy a motor home to live in while we scout for property, and set up our new home in the States... wherever it happens to be. (Remember, we have to have *some* home in the States because Israel will not allow us to stay in the country longer than 90 days at a time.) But, since we only operate with cash, not debt (well, except for this house for now...), something else had to be liquidated to be able to purchase the motor home.

We got the blessed opportunity last weekend to meet half of a husband-wife blogging team whose blog Three Fold Cord, we really enjoy. They are real-life close personal friends of one of our real-life personal friends, and they bought Mr. Visionary's tractor. It was a blessing to have the tractor go to someone we knew had some of the same values as far as raising the family and farming, but it was also good to just have that part of the plan marked off the list.

Julie from Three Fold Cord sent us this yummy basket of goodies. As if buying the tractor wasn't enough!

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Mr. Visionary & Michael from Three Fold Cord ~ they're smiling still because they haven't started loading up all the pieces-parts.

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All the children got in on the loading action, too.

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The plan involved having the proceeds from the tractor earmarked to buy the motor home. Preliminary steps, you know. Mr. Visionary had been doing research for months to determine what kind of motor home we would get, cost estimates, pros, cons, and plenty of mechanical details that I don't pretend to understand. In other words, when the tractor sold, he was ready to move on to the next step. Meanwhile, I was still waiting for the twins thing to sink in. The next step happened faster than I had guessed.

 

This weekend, Mr. Visionary pulled this into the driveway:

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During all his research, he had determined that a bus converted into a motor home (rather than a factory-made motor home) would be a better choice for us, as they are sturdier, ride steadier, and, most importantly for me... have plenty of storage space underneath:

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We'll have to be very creative to make it work having eleven people living in this space. The Word promises food and raiment, not necessarily spaciousness. Remembering that it is a step towards a greater goal will help.

 

Looks like the conversion process has already begun...

Quick Question

Anybody else get this after asking, "Honey, will you please encourage the boys to get their morning chores done quickly?"

Who knew that an impromptu wrestling match was the proper response? Apparently these guys hear and speak a completely different language than us girls. (And Doodle just can't resist a little danger.)

 

I think I've been schooled. The boys got their chores done in record time... even including the wrestling.

I’ve Gotta Tell *Someone*

My seven year old son is particularly adept at dragging a day's lesson of Explode-The-Code out for several hours. If I could find any verses referencing it (which, to his chagrin, there are none), I might be able to call it a spiritual gift. However, I am convinced that it is a gift to be able to randomly jump from topic to topic (forty-seven to be exact) at will while managing to make four pages of workbook phonics take two hours. He tells about his recent escapades and travels, inquires about what angels eat, and have I ever been on an African safari, shows how far his loose tooth can wiggle, queries regarding the ingredients in tar, the height of the Empire State building, how does Mrs. S get her Hot Jam hot, and what is for lunch, seemingly all in the same breath. The ease with which he seems to drag his mother along into his forty-seven random subjects causing her to temporarily forget the phonics as well is, well... nothing short of dumbfounding to me.

So, in the spirit of my seven year old's random musings, I share with you the recent happenings at our place.

Since we survived the flu, and Spring had not yet come, I decided to buckle down and try to get some projects wrapped up so I'd be free to play outside when the weather gets nice. Some of these were begun before the morning sickness began, only to be quickly shoved to the back burner during said morning sickness, then finally dragged back out and completed. In any case, what follows is not to be construed as, "Look what we did this week!" by any stretch of the imagination. It truly is a compilation of several months... and it truly is random. But I wanted to share because I'm excited, and... I have no one else to tell.



First, to update the progress on some of my sidebar goals, here is what we came up with for cloth napkins. I wanted to not have to worry about matching napkins with tablecloths and all other fancy-schmancy details that don't quite fit the casual nature of meals with seven children, so I looked for a ton of something all the same color. I had heard that lots of MOMYS use cute dishtowels for cloth napkins, so that got me to thinking outside of the box and allowed me to ditch my original plan of making napkins with my serger. (Whew!) The girls and I found off-white (who knew they came in that color?), unbleached cotton shop towels at Sam's Club, and thought they would be perfectly cute and quaint for napkins. They are not perfectly square or uniformly size (and neither are we) , but they are close enough, and the price was right. We paid about $12 for 100 towels. We love them!



Next, we had always made our own baby wipes from paper towels, but I wanted to switch over to non-disposable ones. We had heard Moms talk of using the shop towels for baby wipes, so we considered those, but I didn't like the rough texture of them for delicate bottoms, so we settled on cheap wash cloths. We picked white because I wanted to wash them in hot water with the diaper loads and be able to see if they were really getting clean or not. They have been wonderful! Not at all too thick to wipe with (which I had wondered about), and they are very quick to throw together. They also don't dull my good butcher knife like cutting the paper towel rolls for the disposable ones did. We mix about a quart of water with two tablespoons of liquid soap, mix it together, and pour on top of as many washcloths as we can squeeze into our container. (We grate a bar of TN Farmgirl's soap, and pour two cups of boiling water over it, let it dissolve, and voila! Liquid soap that lives in a squeeze bottle in the bathroom closet, ready for making wipes!)

We also switched back to cloth diapers successfully. My first three were in cloth, but when I had four in diapers at once, I was given a large quantity of disposables and I switched to disposables and never looked back. Well, until now that is. I started making homemade cloth diapers with these instructions, but haven't been totally happy with them. They are thick and absorbent, very soft (made from old T-shirts), but the weave is so thick that pins refuse to go through them without a fight. If you decide to make them, I recommend adding the Snappi-able fabric, and using Snappi straps instead of pins. I would have continued to make more anyway (and buy some Snappi straps), except that someone (Thanks Anita!) just passed on to me a large bag of nice cloth diapers, and now I am freed from one more sewing project! (Yay!)

I also made (and totally fell in love with) wool soakers - diaper covers made from felted wool sweaters. WOW and double wow! I had NO idea the things would work so well. I will not bother with pictures and details, because Holly has already covered that well, but I will tell you that I am amazed that they work so well and are so sweet and cozy. I will never go back to any other cover after trying these! I made some wool longies (long pants-type diaper covers) and regular no-legs types. The wool longies are not the least bit scratchy (if you choose well when picking out which sweaters to use) and are so, so yummy-cute sticking out from under a little girls' dress in winter. They are also quick and easy to make! This is a great thing, as I priced pre-made ones online for upwards of $50 per pair! So there are three things now marked off my Switching-Over-To-Cloth list. Cool.



These jars contain some of our herb projects. The green one on the right is Healing Salve that we learned how to make from TN Farmgirl's Medicinal Herb Course. It is green because we used extra virgin olive oil for it. We use it for boo-boos instead of antibiotic ointment (it has several herbs known for their antibacterial/antifungal qualities), and for diaper cream in place of any kind of Vitamin D ointment. It is so much fun to slowly, one-by-one replace all those petroleum-based products with something HOME MADE! Although I usually hate the way this word is overused, I have found it to be empowering... I can really do this? Yes, I really can! Things like this remind me so much of the ideas in Mary Pride's The Way Home book... another few pieces of life brought back home. It is a good feeling.

The jar on the left contains homemade lotion/cream. We mixed yummy things like coconut oil and sweet almond oil with cocoa butter, herbs great for skin care like calendula, and essential oils like lavender and lime for that invigorating aromatherapy factor. It turned out great! We found the instructions from KeriMae at A Happy Home, and it really was as simple as she made it sound. My big girls really could have made this themselves - it was that simple. If you can make mayonnaise, you can make this... it is the same process (only without the eggs).



These yummy looking morsels are not truffles, no matter how hard I tried to convince my children. But they are close. Ever wonder how to get herbs into little children? Me too. Carla Lynne encouraged me to make what she calls "Herb Balls" to help get herbs into small children easily. She told me to powder the herbs I wanted included, then mix them with honey. Then, grind nuts, dried fruit, etc, and mix it all together. Make small balls, and roll them in carob powder, and refrigerate. She did not give me an exact recipe, so I can't give you one, but, I recommend the taste test plan. I tasted the mixture as I went along to know how much of which ingredients I wanted to add. The key to getting these yummy, I found, was to really powder the herbs well, so the texture doesn't stand out. They turned out great, and the flavor improves with a few days in the fridge. Now my little children beg for "those chocolate balls" and I have no trouble getting the herbs into those little bodies.



These little babies are the beginning of our making our own herbal cough drops. We got the recipe from TN Farmgirl's blog. I am not going to link to the exact post, because I want you to have fun digging through the archives and learning about all kinds of other herbal things on your way to this recipe. I will tell you this, though. They only have two ingredients, and making them was close to as fun as a taffy pull, if you have ever done that. They taste yucky. Horehound is a bitter herb, and it only is effective when bitter, BUT, my kids actually ate them OK. They said they weren't that bad. I did not try them, as horehound is contraindicated during lactation and pregnancy!



First we made the drops, then we rolled them in corn starch to keep them from sticking together. Next we wrapped them in freezer paper squares and put them in jars. They really work well for loosening chest congestion!



So that's the happenings around here. I hope you have survived enjoyed the journey through our random musings!

P.S. My Inbox is swamped, but I hope to catch up this week, so if you're waiting to hear from me, I'm hurrying! Thanks for being patient with me!

On Backlogs And Blog Business

During the last month or so of barfdom, I let a lot of things in blogdom slide. But, being on the mend (right, Father?) I am endeavoring to catch up a bit. Bear with me.



The Mathetes Award was created to honor those who are about YHWH's Word, have a heart to share YHWH's Word, and further His Kingdom. The role of a disciple of Christ is to carry His message to the ends of the earth ~ even using the internet. Mathetes is the Greek word for disciple, and the role of the disciple (per the Great Commission) it to make more disciples.

My girlfriends Carla Lynne and Holly each honored me with the Mathetes Award, each accusing me of being a Disciple-Maker. To that I can only assert that YHWH's Word has definitely not returned void in this girl...He truly has used the foolish. I am blessed to call each of these women friends and mentors. I am honored to be considered the same.

I am hesitant to say, these are the women from whom I learn, as I really don't travel much in the blogosphere. Holly was brave enough to resist the unspoken, but real pressure to give the award to all new folks from the ones from whom she received it.

She said, "I have struggled with who to send this to… the ones who disciple me are the ones who already have this award. I have wanted to avoid the appearance of a little cycle, or a popularity contest. It’s just not that. So - I have chosen, simply to say, “these are the people who are teaching me, cycles be hanged.”

I agree. But I have struggled with the other hand, that Carla Lynne mentioned,

"...a friend convinced me it's a way to introduce folks to each other. I also realized I have found some supreme writers, acquaintances,... fellow sojourners and friends, through something as simple as a link."

That said, I'll do a little of both. Following are the women at whose feet blogs I sit to learn and be a disciple. They are Christ-Followers that I believe are endeavoring purposely, or even accidentally, to be Disciple-Makers.

Carla Lynne ~ I have followed since her days at HomesteadBlogger. As much as I learn from her regarding all things naturally healthy and crunchy, I learn far more from her heart for YHWH. This chick is completely sold out, and following YHWH wholeheartedly, despite the flack that being a true follower draws. Brave, resourceful, wise and unashamed...she is one of my heroes.

Cheri ~ Oh, her excitement regarding studying the Word is contagious! I love to hear the joy in her "voice" as she tells about some new thing she has learned. She began studying in a new way this year, and her life (and her boys' life) will never be the same. This gal inspires me to never think of any part of life as too hard, but to keep plugging along.

Holly ~ Grace in the midst of trials is her specialty. She is always, always looking for the good in situations, in people, in life... I truly am inspired to seek faithfulness because of her example. Those tiny, fleeting moments that make up motherhood, each of those choices we make in a day, all add up, and Holly is so diligent to record them...and teach us that faithfulness is a moment-by-moment decision.

Lisa ~ One of the first women I ever "met" who was brave enough to examine Scripture in a new light. She shares a love for the Word, and for truth. The questions mulling around in her heart often lead to blog posts that really get you thinking...and studying.

Keri Mae ~ A quiet, simple Momma who encourages through her posts. She is endeavoring to be productive at home, not wasting time gadding about, all the while sharing life and heart issues with the blogoshpere in her "spare" time. I am currently reading a book she recommended called _War On The Saints_. Look for her recent post about it.



Robin Sampson at Heart at Home has also awarded me the Excellent Blog Award. According to the rules of the Excellent Blog award:

By accepting this Excellent Blog Award, you have to award it to 10 more people who’s blog’s you find Excellent Award worthy. You can give it to as many people as you want but please award at least 10. Thank you out there for having such great blogs and being such great friends! You deserve this! Feel free to award people who have already been awarded…

Again, I don't have much time to blog hop, but when I *do* get a chance to meander about, these are some of the ladies I visit. Remembering our instructions to redeem the time, don't feel that you need to check these out all at once. Okay?

1. Amy @ Blessed Motherhood


2. Beth @ Brew*Crew Adventure


3. Deanna @ Abundant Blessings Homestead


4. Katie @ Team Bettendorf


5. Stephanie @ Sojourner In A Strange Land


6. Plain Jane @ Prairie Girls


7. Beth @ Hebrew Hearth


8. Annette @ Hinds Feet On High Places


9. Robyn @ Lentils and Rice


10. Elise @ A Path Made Straight

Taking A Quick Break

We've been doing all the last-minute preparations for putting our house on the market this week, so time for the computer has been nil. During a quick break this afternoon, I found this test, and spent wasted a few minutes completing it. It was good to have at least one thing completed today. I wonder how I would have scored if they had seen me taking the test with paint in my hair, drywall dust up my nose and the same tie-dyed, paint-splattered t-shirt I've worn for three days?

 

 

 

In any case, it was a fun few minutes, and I'm posting it here in case I need proof that I did finish something today.

Mr. Visionary Returns

 

Had I not previously been nine months pregnant seven times over, I would surely have thought that these were the longest two weeks of my existence. Granted, they were indeed fifteen of the l.o.n.g.e.s.t. days in quite some time, and we are a bit worse for the wear, but Mr. Visionary's trip to Israel has come and gone, and we have survived.

 

 

Mr. Visionary himself had a delightful time in the Land. He served and ministered to both Israelis and Arabs, and in my wifely opinion, several Americans as well. His harvesting grapes in the West Bank fulfilled prophecy in some measure, as the scriptures tell of a time when foreigners will be vinedressers for Israel.

He also worked hard using his construction skills to serve the Israeli farmer to whom they were ministering.

They had enough "down time" to allow for some visiting...networking and worshipping with other believers in the Land. To some extent, we in the States understand fellowshipping together and building relationships within the body. It is important to us here, but not like it has to be on the front lines. Having strong relationships with the other believers and a support system in place is absolutely crucial in the face of the persecution and at times, danger, of serving Jesus in the Middle East. I do not believe that asserting, 'life and death could depend on being tied in to the body there', would be overstating the matter.

The Harvest 2007 Team

Part of Mr. Visionary's trip was to serve, but another part was reconnaissance. We both prayed that Father would indeed reveal more of His will for our family during Phil's time in the Land. And it appears He has. My Visionary has returned more focused - sure that Father is calling our family to serve Him in Israel. Phil's message from his time in the Land is this, 'There is a great work that Father is doing there, and a multitude of places and ways to serve. There is no shortage of needs in Israel nor shortage of opportunities to bless Israel.'

Now, on to the question that has been flooding my Inbox: "What is next? What are we going to be doing now?"

We are still at a place of knowing for sure, only the very next step. That would be to sell our farm while continuing to downsize.

While Mr. Visionary was away, the children and I took off school, and intensively worked on the To-Do list of all those little things (and some big) that need to be done before we can put the house on the market. We painted and patched, shoveled mulch and gravel (60 tons of gravel), and painted some more. We had a Work Day, where twenty-five friends came out to the farm to help get things done. It was a complete surprise to Mr. Visionary...everything...the work by the kids and myself and the Work Day. Mr. Visionary came home to a completely different house.

Honestly, it was equally encouraging and discouraging to see how much we accomplished. I was thrilled to see how many folks came to help us, and what work we could produce if we really set our minds to it. I was discouraged, however, to see just how much is actually left on the list that needs to be done contrasted with how little time we have available. This I know: we will get this work completed on Father's time table, and neither the timing nor the To-Do list will take Him by surprise. I am recognizing that knowing a thing to be true and wrapping one's heart around it don't always have the same chronology. So we work, wait and trust.

Solomon was right...there's nothing new under the sun.

All Good Things…Must Come To An End

It is bittersweet at the end of the sabbath each week. We are so grateful for a day to rest physically and spiritually, to enjoy sweet fellowship with Father, and to love on each other, that we never want it to end. And yet...there is still a work to do, and we desire to be used.

Until we meet again, dear Shabbat...

Father, strengthen our arms for the days and tasks ahead ~ for your glory.

She Comes Back

Well, the break was refreshing. I was sorely disappointed, however, to find that being away from the computer didn't free up gobs of time for me. My two well-worn excuses for never having enough time have failed me.

I always thought that if we kept a tighter schedule, with every moment planned, and the day running like a well-oiled machine that I could be Mrs. Efficiency and my To-Do list would melt away into checked-off items, leisurely evenings and early bedtimes for all. I also believed that if only I cut out everything above and beyond the absolute basics of life (i.e. no computer time) that it would free me to get all that I desired to accomplish completed with ease.

Ahem.

Let the record show that another of my big ideas has bitten the dust. After 30 days away from the computer, and with our new school schedule running amazingly well, I still didn't recoup the amount of time I had expected. Life goes on ~ and things come up. We had a monstrous tree fall across the driveway and pasture fence that took a few days work, several trips to Washington D.C. to get Mr. Visionary's passport, the cows needed to be bred, the garden needed attention, pickles and salsa to make, new curriculum to get used to, bla, bla, bla. There is always something.

It has been such a lesson for me in fighting for the important things in life, and making time for them. The World crowds it's way in, and to maintain any sense of margin and balance, we have to be aggressively guarding our time and energy. We are given the same amount of time at the beginning of each day, and the same assignments: to love, serve, pray, worship and obey. I am reminded that it is not as important to get more things done, but to get the right things done.

It has been a good month, and a good season to remember this lesson: When life's pace pushes you, push back.



I'm looking forward to blogging again ~ thanks to all who have prayed.

Why I’ve Been Scarce

I've been busy for a while, and haven't posted, but I do have a good excuse. We were getting ready for a yard sale, then preparing for the Wallers' coming to our house ~ cooking ahead, moving furniture, etc. After they left, we followed them to another town and stayed in their bus for a few more days.
The whirlwind is beginning to settle ~ finally. Although I expect that it will only begin again after we process all that we learned and heard this week. We spent five days with the Wallers, and haven't had time to digest for ourselves, much less share with each other, all that has transpired in our hearts. I'm sure that I'll be sharing some of this soon.

I'll leave you with a few pictures while we go through debriefing here.

The children read books...

Even Mr. Visionary and I played ~

and almost saw Mom's lunch a second time due to a certain person spinning the swing (grin)...

The boys built a new fort...

And we ate..and ate...and ate...

I'll be back! I really have so much to share!

The Adventure Begins? Or Continues?

In the midst of trials, I am often so focused on surviving the season that I can't see past the immediate circumstances. Yet, looking back from the opposite shore, I am acutely aware that my Father was purposing to do a deep work in my heart. At the time, I never understand how deep the work, nor how the different trials could be woven together so seamlessly to suit His plans. Even afterwards I only see through a glass darkly. Thousands of seemingly unrelated incidents work together to mold me into the woman that He desires to use and to prepare me for what may lie ahead.

I honestly do not know if I had ever imagined a situation such as the one I am in now. Even though I always desired to be used on the mission field and we have been praying for an opportunity for about eighteen months now, this is not what I expected. Knowing how many times my personal big fat plans have crashed and burned, I am relieved that, at least this time, this was not my idea.

Mr. Visionary and I concur that no matter how unbelievable to our flesh, it appears that Father desires us to pursue an opportunity to serve Him together as a family in the West Bank of Israel. Our task would be to personally work in the vineyards, orchards and groves serving the Israeli farmers, as well as building a team of volunteers to serve short or long-term shifts ministering to the Israeli farmers. The ministry we are working with is HaYovel, begun by Tommy and Sherri Waller, whom a lot of homeschoolers know from the A Journey Home video about their family. It is a work that, looking back, we can see many areas in which Father has orchestrated events for such a time as this.

Of course we are aware of the dangers of serving in such an area. We are not foolishly headed into this wearing rose-colored glasses, or otherwise refusing to see the facts involved in such a move. How easy it is for any of us to quip, "The safest place to be is in the center of His will" (and how brave of us to assert such a thing sitting in middle-class suburbia). We are being reminded every day that to walk on water, Peter had to get out of the boat. Thinking outside of the box is a good thing...but so is stepping out of the boat.

This is the single most intense crisis of faith through which our family has ever had to walk. In some ways it is so difficult ~ our flesh at times screams for us to run away. In other ways, it seems as if it is the most natural step we could take ~ to take Father's hand as He leads us to the dance floor. He truly is the perfect partner, leading with strength, grace and gentleness. Our toes only get stepped on when they are out of their place. No matter the music...a lilting serenade or a crashing symphony...His lead is calm and steady. How grateful I am that this is so!

The plans are not set in stone as of yet. We are still awaiting confirmation of exactly what His plans are for us. At this point we cannot even honestly say that we are headed to Israel. All we know is that Father is leading us to walk through the doors that would take us there. If He wills, we will go to Israel to serve Him. If He does not, we will expect to find closed doors. Either way, we expect to one day look back and see at least a clouded glimpse of His purposes for us in this season.

You have seen, over the last few posts, that we are downsizing. We are also working to put our farm on the market to sell, but it is slow going. Life is busy, there is only so much of us to go around and there never seems to be enough time to get everything done unless our family relationships are neglected. Unwilling to allow that, our progress is at a snail's pace. However, we know that the timing is in Father's hands. All aspects of the timing are in His hands, including our only being allowed to have ninety-day visas. (The necessity of our needing to leave Israel that often is what prompted my recent comments about living out of suitcases.) Therefore, after selling the farm, we are hoping to buy a small farm/home with cash, so that we will have a place to live between visas.

Other plans are to send Mr. Visionary to Israel for a few weeks this Fall, so that he can experience the harvest season and the Sukkot festival, and to get a feel for the work upon which we will embark. We are praying that Father will give us further confirmation one way or the other through Mr. Visionary's trip. We are also looking at RVs to use in case we need to travel the U.S. before heading abroad, are researching Hebrew curriculum, and are enjoying and appreciating our possible last summer at the farm.

We would be blessed by your praying on our behalf for confirmation and clear direction from Father. I'm sure there will be many questions. I am even more sure that many will be offended and not be able to understand our journey. While I may not be able to address each person individually, we will consider all comments which are shared in a spirit of love, and I will attempt to answer what I am able in subsequent posts. My goal here has been to give a brief overview of our newest adventure. :)

For local folks, Tommy and Sherri Waller and the children will be here to do a presentation at our home on Wednesday, July 11 at 7:00 p.m. Anyone who is interested in the work they are doing in the West Bank (and in which we will be involved) is invited to come. Call or e-mail us for more details.

More On Traveling Light

I can't help but notice, as Cheri did in the comments yesterday, that Father is developing a recurring theme in His people, and wanted to share a post by my friend Carla Lynne. Her family is further along this purging and refining journey that Father is helping our family along, and I count it a blessing to follow along the trail she is treading. Carla Lynne and her family have embarked on a journey of which many of us have dreamed, especially on the hard days.

You will be blessed by her family's mission, even if you could never imagine yourself called in a similar manner. She will be chronicling their journey (which has already begun) to their Promised Land on her blog. Visit her here: Carla Lynne's Lightening The Load (Part One), and be blessed. But grab a tissue, and be prepared...I was weeping by the end.

When A Door Opens

Change is in the air. The grass is reappearing, leaves are budding, and the apple trees are in bloom. Although in some years the transformation  is more profound than others, this change never fails to come. He has promised that His seasons will remain. Spring in all its brilliancy will always displace the dark monotony of winter, and His timing is always perfect.

This has been a particularly long winter for our family. While seeming tiring and tedious to our flesh, from a spiritual perspective it's conclusion comes not a moment too soon, nor a moment too late.  I know this because I know Him who has directed this season for His glory and my good. Mr. Visionary and I have endured a season of darkness this winter longer and quieter than any before. We have endeavored to leave off the scratching and striving of making our own way, for the seeking and searching involved in discovering His way for us. Claiming the promise that if we seek Him diligently, we will find Him, we were looking for the answer to the question that many have asked, "What's next after selling the farm?" We began the process of getting the farm ready to sell, in faith, not knowing what lay ahead.

The fog appears to be clearing for us. As the scales on our eyes are being removed layer by layer, several dreams and callings which had heretofore appeared unrelated are meshing into a picture. Just as many broken pieces are fit together by a skilled artist to form a beautiful mosaic, Father is piecing a mosaic in our life as well.  Our experiences, our trials and testings, our growth, our obedience (or lack thereof), and our desire to please and obey Him have all been used to bring us to this point of being prepared to hear His will for us in the next season.

For several years now, our family has been feeling led to the mission field. At first I attempted to logically decipher the most practical destination for us in the field: I love sweet potatoes, barefooted children, and farming, and I was (once) fluent in French ~ French speaking Africa seemed tenable. It was a perfect match on the surface. As a matter of fact, I spent many hours as a newly-saved teenager studying Africa, and longing to be sent there. But, we believe that He would not send us somewhere that would contradict His other clear instructions. In order to be obedient to Father,  our family would have to minister together, so no boarding-school-Mom-and-Dad-working-separate-ministry-jobs positions. Many opportunities have presented themselves, but none that would meet our convictions about the family ministering as the unit He designed. So we waited ~ trusting that if it was His will, then the perfect door would open.

A door has opened. We have opportunity, desire in the Spirit, a trembling in the flesh, and a few steps that we can take now as we await confirmation of His will. There are many issues that Father will have to work out for us, if He desires for us to pursue this work. We will need help to get the farm on the market in a timely manner, as, in the flesh, it appears to be too much for just Mr. Visionary, the children and me to accomplish.  If this part works out, it will definitely be confirmation. At this point, we feel led to look into a different foreign language curriculum, continue to purge belongings, sell anything that is not bolted down, and acquire passports for every member of our family.

Never has walking in the Spirit been so necessary, or praying without ceasing so natural. We covet your prayers as we seek further confirmation of His will.

Worry, Tilling and Fussing

It all started when I killed my tiller. OK, so maybe it's not a mortal wound, but it doesn't exactly till, either. When the thingy that holds the roundy part in place fell completely off as  I rammed gently bumped the cinder blocks at the end of a row, I knew I was in trouble.

Having been raised in the inner city, and knowing little about gardening that I didn't read in a book, I keep quiet and learn a lot from watching my friends. When I noticed two weeks ago that my friend-who-was-born-with-a-hoe-in-his-hand, had his garden turned over, the "Aha!" moment came, and I knew that it was the appointed time. I still couldn't tell you the last frost date for my area, so I'll listen and learn when to sow my collards, too.

After killing breaking the tiller, my first thought was that my coveted outside time was over, and, after a winter's worth of being cooped up inside, this was no small matter. Crushed, I instantly started thinking of the steps involved in repairing the tiller: load up the tiller, spend half a day getting everyone shoed and jacketed, drive into town, find the part, escort seven children to a public restroom, then drag everyone home only to discover that I didn't get the right part. Then I was sure the broken part would cost thousands of dollars, have to be special ordered, take months to be delivered, and gardening season would be over before it ever got started at my house.

Once I caught myself and called this thought process by it's rightful name, Worry, I repented, and began to look for the bright side of not having the tiller available. My garden is not terribly labor-intensive, anyway. It is a raised-bed (read that: very soft soil) Square Foot (read that: very tiny) garden. I could always  just turn over the soil with a hoe. Even though tilling was kinda fun, it was still a little more like breaking a wild pony than I preferred. So this would be an enjoyable form of exercise with immediate tangible results (read that: instant gratification).

Anyway, I am the girl who is always lamenting about the ridiculous ironies in our culture. What sense does it make to get a desk job, determined to 'not work as hard as my parents did', then buy a riding lawnmower because you don't have time to cut grass, then a health club membership to 'get some exercise'?  It is like simultaneously running the air conditioner to cool air on a hot sunny day and the clothes dryer to heat air. Or driving to the park to take a walk. Or sending Momma to work to be able to pay for private schooling and convenience meals (and therapy because of the stress). Simpler is better.

So I pulled out my hoe.

About half-way through my methodical hand turning of the garden I started to wish I had never been so smug regarding the aforementioned inconsistencies. At our house, you lose any right to fuss about stuff that you aren't doing something about (read that: Don't talk the talk if you aren't willing to walk the walk). Just as I determined to suck it up and smile my way through to the end, Mr Visionary showed up with the exact piece needed to repair the tiller. When he had the thing perfectly fixed and tested in less than five minutes, I knew two things. First, my worrying had been way out-of-hand. The piece cost $.68, and was easily picked up on a routine errand while Mr. Visionary was already in town. Second,much as I would have liked to should finish it by hand,  I would have go against my high ideals resigned determination and use the tiller to finish the garden.

After all, I wouldn't want to offend Mr. Visionary.

Amen To That!

When the clock read 9:21 this morning...

Flower Child: "It's really 8:21 in the morning."

Flower Child: "But it's 9:21a.m. under Communism."



The girl is right ~ I hate Daylight Saving Time, too.

The Dream

I was walking along, minding my own business, when it happened. Two Autumns ago, during my early morning driveway walk, I had my two partners: my gun (because of lions, tigers and bears) and my Walkman. The day in question, I happened to be listening to a Jonathan Lindvall tape ~ nothing unusual there, I often listen to a tape or music on my walks. I like to listen to something on the second lap so I can hear something besides my own loud breathing. It is a golden opportunity to listen to my choice of music at my choice of decibel, which at almost all other times are outvoted by the rest of the family. But I digress.

On said tape, Mr. Lindvall was discussing how he and his wife felt led to get completely out of debt , to include having no mortgage, and went on to discuss their method of achieving exactly that. Upon the first listen, I smugly dismissed the idea as super-spiritual, unnecessary, and not a possibility anyway, thank-you-very-much. We had just moved to this farm that spring, and had gutted, remodeled and added on to this house to make it just what we wanted. This house and farm were, for all intents and purposes at the time, my dream.

Enter the Holy Spirit. After several days of being either too lazy or too hurried (I will not disclose which), to get a new tape on my way out the door , I was stuck listening to said tape for about two weeks in a row. As I listened and argued with the tape day after day, the Holy Spirit nudged. Mr. Visionary was working five very long days at the time, and in truth, we never saw him. Saturdays were spent doing farm work from sunup until after dark, and Sundays were spent on church and naps (to help make up for the other six days), hence weekends were gone in a blink. I wanted my husband back, and we all wanted our family back. I was beginning to see that the mortgage had to go.

In the meantime, the Lord was also revealing to us a new dream ~ that of being able to have enough land to give to our children to help start them off better than we were started. Since our current farm is only fifteen acres, this dream would involve having a much larger chunk of property. And moving. I tried to remind the Holy Spirit that I had previously, proudly and loudly announced that I would not move from this house unless the Lord called us on the mission field. He replied with a question, "Did you get that from ME, or was that your big idea?" My wanting it to be the Lord's idea didn't count. It never does.

Providentially, the housing market in our area has skyrocketed. Our house is now worth twice what we paid for it three years ago, which is good news and bad news. We can sell it, and make enough to buy property debt-free...but not around here. We will need to move across the country to find land inexpensive enough, unless the Lord intervenes. We are praying for an opportunity to find land in our same state, as Mr. Visionary is an only child of aging parents, and my family has just this summer migrated back  to the same state for the first time in fifteen years (and who knew cousins could be so much fun!).

So, we're working toward getting our house finished (with a schedule like ours was, there was never time to finish all the remodeling), and putting it on the market this Summer, and saying goodbye to a mortgage forever. What happens next is in His hands. It is our goal...our dream, if you will. But the real goal is to always listen and obey what the Lord's will is for us. Speak, Lord, for your servants heareth...

Use the Walkman if necessary.




*I don't expect to agree with every detail of everyone to whom I listen. Use the Grocery Store Approach to Jonathan Lindvall, take what you can use, leave the rest. I don't necessarily condone everything he ever says, but I don't discount it outright, either. Remember the Bereans SEARCHED the Scriptures DAILY. We should as well.

Too Quiet

During a too-quiet-for-comfort moment this afternoon, Doodle was discovered scaling Mr. Visionary's bedside refrigerator, atop which is a month's supply small stash of dark chocolate.

Flower Child: 'Doodle, what are you doing?'

Doodle: 'I'm keeping myself interested.'

Flower Child: 'Well, you need to get down before I tell Mom. You know you're not allowed up there.'

Doodle: 'Well, what do you expect? Literary Lady wasn't watching me.'


I'm afraid I see politics in this child's future.

Self Talk

I surely would have thought the days of women swooning were over. What with the 1960’s having done their upheaval and corsets, too, being a thing of the distant past, fainting was, in my humble opinion, only for the overly dramatic. Recent events however, have caused me to rethink my position.

Not having bounced back from this stomach virus quite as quickly or as well as Mr. Visionary and the children, my felt need was rest. Still quite dizzy upon standing, I was hoping to be horizontal most of yesterday, and school was conducted from Mom’s bed.  Queasiness was making the thought of preparing food less-than-delightful, so when our dear friend (who is now even dearer) Miss Elizabeth brought us soup for lunch, my gratefulness to her and the Lord abounded.

Lunch over, and naptime graciously looming on the horizon, a knock at the door alerted me that perhaps my plans were changing. Greeted by a large mass of raw-and-dripping meat, I learned that Old Mr. Clark had been hunting.  His I-come-bearing-gifts grin alerted me that perhaps I should delegate the ‘stroll on over to the back of the truck’ to the boys. Neighborliness having gotten the better of me, I helped him hang our gift-deer in the woodshed and managed to stomach a few instructions about how to proceed from here, all the while purposing to not look the thing in the mouth.

After watching the Flower Child scratch the horns and coochie-coo at this dangling dead deer, I knew I needed to call in reinforcements. A frantic plea to Mr. Visionary to get home speedily, a cold washcloth to my face, and a parenting-by-speaker-phone conference with Dad and the boys to “not talk about it to Mom” were stop-gap measures to tide me over until said help arrived. With instruction from Old Mr. Clark, Dad and the kids skinned the deer after dinner, but the rest (cutting, packing) was left until this morning. Before breakfast.

There’s been a lot of under-the-breath muttering in my house recently. When Mr. Clark left, I was reminding myself that ‘the blessings of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it’.  When I pined for that nap that was not to be, I repeated, “…as thy days, so shall thy strength be”. Overheard just this morning: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…all things. ..I can do this…I can do this…even (gulp) this…”

Before leaving, Old Mr. Clark mentioned one last thing,"If any strangers show up and leave you deer, I sent 'um. I told four or five of my buddies that y'all wanted venison".

Suddenly even those last nine pounds of pregnancy weight seem surmountable.