Have you ever called one of your children and begun explaining a job you wanted them to do, when they instantly leave without ever having listened, without ever having asked for details, and to have them start working frantically, furiously even, on something altogether other than what you were desiring? Not only have I experienced this with my children, I have been this child.
Had you asked me, I would have surely told you that the items on my list were part of my work in serving the Lord with gladness. I mean, come on, the Proverbs 31 chick had plenty of irons in the fire, so it was normal, natural and godly for me to do the same. There is a lot involved in caring for a large family in general. Add in homeschooling, running a farm, and being crunchy health-food types, and you get a recipe for full days. For the cherry on top, make the Dad self-employed, and you get instantly over-full days. But this was for God, and far be it from me to suggest that our doing the Lord's will is too much for us.
Without question I was doing the Lord's will. My being so sure of it pushed me to work harder and faster as I knew that if He called me to do it, there would be abundant grace to help me accomplish it. It led to a thinking based in poor theology that if I didn't get my list done, it was surely sin. However, when my To-Do List didn't leave time to be or do the other things clearly defined in scripture, I was forced to question. My questioning began along the lines of, "Father, why did you give me so much to do?" but quickly turned to, "Who did give me this List? "
My Father assured me it did not come from Him, and I was duly rebuked in that I never consulted Him about it in the first place. When praying over my List, Father cleared His throat and said, "Excuuuse me? When did I give you that?" I had assumed too much. I had read a lot of books and listened to much teaching. I had become an educated idiot ~ so full of knowledge that I forgot how much I needed wisdom. That wisdom could only be found sitting at His feet, soaking in His Word.
So the first step in my journey to do His will was to learn to come to Him first. I have learned this lesson well enough that now, I will not move without CLEAR leading from Him. Coming through the fire has taught me that I'd rather die sitting still than to take a step without His direction. I am not afraid to look as if I am doing nothing.
What is for breakfast? What should we work on this afternoon? What curriculum to use? What do I say to this child, Lord? What time do you want me to go to bed tonight? What is next from here, Father?
I am waiting. Waiting on Him, because I know He will speak.
~~~~Next, I'll tell you where my old "To-Do List" came from...