Friday, July 20, 2007

A Proclamation Regarding School Supplies


1. The Parties of the first part, Phil and Julie, are the happily married father and mother of seven homeschooled children whose principle roles include the training, nurturing, teaching, loving, instructing and managing the aforementioned children in and from the domicile shared by them, the children, four cats, four cows, two kittens, one guinea hen, Curious George and Grace the Doll.

2. Parties of the Second Part, Grandma and Meemaw, are the maternal units of Phil and Julie respectively.


3. Both Parties of The Second Part have a history of excess purchases of "Sale" items, and transfer of said purchases to the Parties of the First Part.

4. Such transfers of excess purchases have caused intense emotional distress to each of the Parties of the First Part due to the housing and upkeep of said items, including, but not limited to having to build an addition onto our domicile to house our food as all other available pantries were full of said excess purchase items.


5. The Parties of the First Part concede that the Wal-mart sale flyer has been delivered to our domicile in a timely manner, and that it has been perused by each Party of the First Part.

6. The parties of the First Part concede that they have heretofore allowed the transfer of ownership of 47,000 single subject spiral-bound notebooks in assorted colors, and the accompanying 700 glue sticks per annum by the Parties of the Second Part.

7. The Parties of The First Part concede that single subject notebooks can be very handy around the house, and that ten cents each is an exceptional price.

8. The Parties of The First Part concede that said notebooks come in assorted colors, including green - the favorite color of The Dreamer, and others which are very cute.

9. The Parties of The First Part concede that it is an amusing recreation to buy new school supplies, and that blueberry scented erasers can be therapeutic in a first grade aromatherapy fashion.

10. The Parties of The First Part concede that with due consideration to the vast quantity of children in our family, our educational endeavors employ multitudinous quantities of school supplies.


11. Let the record show that although it is Back-To-School time, the Parties of the First Part do hereby request that no ownership of school supplies be transferred to us by the Parties of the Second Part.

12. Whereas, even with seven children, it would take a month of Sundays, by which time Christ may have already returned, to use 47,000 single subject spiral bound notebooks and the accompanying 700 glue sticks, notwithstanding the 100 that are ingested by the sixth child of the Parties of the First Part, henceforth referred to as Doodle.

13. Whereas, this non-transfer request is to be broadened to include protractors, compasses, erasers (with the exception of blueberry scented), filler paper (standard or college ruled), loose-leaf binders, crayons, colored pencils, plastic pencil cases in assorted colors to match each child's personality, backpacks, lunch boxes, stickers, markers, rulers, folders, colored paper, workbooks, flashcards, staplers, staple pullers, and various and sundry other staple-related paraphernalia, including but not limited to boxes of staple refills.

14. Whereas, should the Parties of the Second Part be unable to control their desire to purchase during this Back-to School season, the Parties of the First Part would be open to the transfer of ownership of a new school bus to the Parties of the First Part.

15. Whereas, the Parties of the First Part will not at this time be seeking compensatory damages for the psychiatric treatments, Twelve-Step programs or chiropractic care necessitated by the aforementioned intense emotional distress of Article 4.

Signed, Sworn, Testified, Proclaimed and Affidavited Six Ways from Sunday,

Phil and Julie, the Parties of the First Part


  1. LOL I love it! :)

    Let me know if this works...

  2. Oh my goodness! I laughed so hard at this post. Keep up the good work Julie. You are such and inspiration.


  3. Yep,
    That legal mumbo-jumbo STILL confuses me. :D
    Have a great day.

  4. I have to say this had me rolling over with laughter
    it was so funny. It reminds me of my mom. She has
    already brought us a box of notebooks and tons of

  5. The parties of the second part could transfer ownership to the poor Canadian relations here.. we can never find a pen.. and glue sticks are not used for gluing here, but rather, for drawing with.. so we're always without a glue stick when we need one for sticking.

    Can I be the party of the third part? lol

  6. oldpathsfamilyfarmJuly 20, 2007 at 5:40 PM

    I think our Moms are related. :)


    Why, yes, you may. However...

    The Party of the First Part does hereby agree to transfer all rights and privileges of the Party of the First Part to the Party of the Third Part upon the condition that the Party of the Third Part does unilaterally agree to receive any and all future transfers of school supplies from the Parties of the Second Part, as an irrevocable contract.

    (That means no changing your mind when the semi truck pulls up fully loaded.)  :) :) :)

  7. Very cute! This gave me my morning smile today, Julie... :-)

    On my way to write to you!


  8. See, I couldn't even SEE my monitor to know if I was even spelling correctly lololol

  9. My monitor-which needed cleaning anyway-thanks yuor for the coffed splatter so that I now have to clean said monitor :-D

    I can't wait to hear more about your time with the Wallers. What an awesome blessing. Praying for your family :-)


  10. Very funny Julie. I am sorry to say that with everything going on with me right now, I had not even thought about it being that time of year, so you should be very proud of the Meemaw. I did enjoy reading this though. Hope to see all of you soon.

    Meemaw, One of the parties of The Second Part

  11. You have described my extended family PERFECTLY! I am the only one on my side of the family that has children, so we are flooded with stuff, and it drives me nuts! I make at least one monthly trip to the goodwill. I love your post, so funny!


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